THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT IN THE DOG

   Animals have always featured prominently in Indian culture and mythology, and have added immensely to their richness and mystique. Garuda is the loyal friend of Vishnu, the peacock is the vehicle for Kartikeya, the lion is Durga mata's fearless steed, the elegant swan is the vehicle of Brahma and Saraswati, the snake adorns Shiva's neck and Nandi the bull is his constant companion, the white elephant is the companion of Indra, the god Ganesha is half human and half elephant, the demon killed by Durga came in the form of a buffalo. Even Man's best friend, the dog, is worshipped in parts of Sikkim and north Bengal, it is the mount of fearsome gods like Kalabhairva and we are told that four fierce dogs guard the abode of Yama, the Hindu god of Death.

   You could be forgiven for thinking that our scriptures have more animals than most of our National Parks and Wild Life Sanctuaries, but let's leave that little critique for another time. So why am I sputtering on about animals, like a loquacious cicada? Because, dear reader, animals continue to dominate the Indian landscape even today and play an important part in our polity and public life. They grab our attention like the WWF (World Wrestling Federation) wrestler grabs his opponent by his round and bouncing organ, which thereafter bounces no more, to paraphrase the refrain from Edgar Allen Poe's poem, The Raven. Let me explain.

   Our public life is full of animals, and I'm not referring to the type who get elected but to the genuine ones. How can one forget Gau mata, or the Jallikattu bull, or Azham Khan's missing buffaloes for whom Interpol had to issue a red corner notice, till it was discovered that they had actually joined the BJP to save their skin, literally? Or Rahul Gandhi's pet pooch, Piddi, who provided the alibi for Mr. Hemanta Biswa Sarma of Assam to join the BJP and become Chief Minister. In times bygone the English King Richard III had shouted "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!" which the wily Biswa Sarma converted to: "A kingdom, a kingdom, a dog for a kingdom!" He got his kingdom and Rahul got the doghouse.

   Then again there was that incident about Delhi's AAP leader, Somnath Bharti, and his Labrador. His wife (Bharti's, not the dog's) alleged that he used to order the dog to bite her and lodged a police complaint. The poor Lab was taken to the police station and, in order to test him, was ordered to bite a constable. Being a canny canine of good taste, the doggie refused, the case against Bharti collapsed, but he has not been seen in the AAP kennel since then.

   Readers will also recollect that incident involving the IAS couple, the Khirwars, in Delhi last year. They had taken their dog for a walk in a stadium, which the govt. felt had reduced our medal tally in the Asian Games by at least half a dozen. Consequently, they were asked to take a longer walk, to Ladakh in one case and to the north-east in the other. I learn that now IAS officers have stopped taking an amble with their pooches, it is too dangerous. They now take their wives for a walk; no marks for guessing who's holding the leash on these jaunts. All because a fastidious canine insisted on peeing on astro turf rather than the genuine grass.

   Given the central role that dogs have been playing in Indian politics in Amritkaal of late, therefore, it is no surprise that the Mahua Moitra  brouhaha also has a dog as its prime mover, a Rottweiler named Henry, presumably after the English king who had a very innovative method for resolving his wives' headaches. Now, I don't know why she named him Henry - she probably had a good history tudor in school. Be that as it may, Henry is the undoubted kingpin in this whole affair; not only is his custody the causus belli in this case, he is also the insider who knows everything- whether Mr. Dehadrai is just an ex-lover or a jilted lover, who did the jilting, who visited Ms Moitra, who she spoke to on the phone, the type of gifts received by her, etc.

   The Ethics committee of Parliament, intent on peeping through the key-hole rather than looking at the larger picture, definitely missed a trick or two by not examining Henry under oath or getting his statement recorded under Section 164 of the Criminal Procedure Code. I believe the police did ask him a few questions but, having spent time with a lawyer and a Parliamentarian. he was well aware of his rights, cited the Fifth Amendment and also quoted the law against self incrimination. Brain mapping and a narco test were suggested but Henry insisted that a similar test be carried out on Mr. Nishikant Dubey, the complainant M.P. This time it was the latter who refused, fearful of what the tests might reveal about the state of his brain. The last time such a test was carried out on a politician, it revealed no brain at all, just a bank passbook and a doctored print-out from an EVM (Electronic Voting Machine). 

   The last chapter in this drama has not yet been written, and we can expect the curtain to rise again when Parliament reconvenes in December. Meanwhile, the Royal Bengal tigress in West Bengal has also joined the battle and has divested Mr. Adani of the Rupees twenty five thousand crore port project allotted to him earlier. It's all hands on the deck now. The government has thrown all its might against the diminutive lady from Bengal but will soon find out who the real Rottweiler is. One can't help but recollect the words of Mark Twain: "It's not about the size of the dog in the fight but about the size of the fight in the dog."

STOOPING TO CONQUER OR FLATTERING TO DECEIVE ?

    If you've been a keen observer of public discourse in India, as I have been for some years now, you are probably immune to the bizarre and outlandish statements made by the worthies holding public office. Like the Scowling Sherpa's revelation that "there is too much democracy" in India, or a Minister in Davos claiming that high unemployment is indicative of increasing self employment, or the Supreme Leader's assertion that not one inch of Indian land has been occupied by the Chinese, or a Minister for Human Resources in NDA I debunking Darwin's theory by maintaining that none of his ancestors ever saw an ape turning into a homo sapiens. We are, of course, the swine who should be grateful for such pearls of wisdom, but two recent pearls, cultured in our very own fascist laboratory, have taken even my post-Diwali asthmatic breath away.

   Arguing for the government in the Supreme Court, the Attorney General  made two astounding averments: one, that the voter does not have any right to know how his vote has been recorded or counted, and two, that the public does not have the right to know who has contributed how much to which political party. The first statement was intended to counter the very legitimate demand for a more extensive VVPAT (Voter Verifiable Paper Trail) verification of the votes cast in the EVMs (Electronic Voting Machines), the second was in response to the challenge to the Electoral bonds, which have effectively become the BJP's private ATM.

   We have never been in doubt that these statements are a faithful expression of the BJP's private views, but the sheer brazenness of declaring it openly- and that too in court!- is mind-blowing. It is beyond arrogance and hubris, it shows utter contempt for the public, the Constitution and (dare I say it?) even for the highest court in the land. Translated into language which we porkers can understand, the government is actually saying: we will have our way, we don't give a tinker's curse for what the citizenry thinks or what the court decides; we have the majority in Parliament (even if Mahua Moitra and her Lui Vuitton bags are not expelled) and can pass any ordinance or Bill we are inclined to. Misplaced confidence and hubris, did you say? You would be wrong, dear reader, because past events have proved that they are right. The judiciary has never been an obstacle to the ruling party's rampaging depredation of our social, constitutional, legal and institutional landscape. One cannot but help feeling that the govt's impudence is due in no small measure to the court's accommodating and obliging behaviour.

   The Supreme Court never fails to disappoint, and has done it again in two recent judgments: on the petition for legalising same sex marriages, and on Manish Sisodia (the Delhi Deputy Chief Minister)'s  application for bail. These petitions had been vehemently opposed by the government. Both were dismissed, quite against the run of play. Both judgments came as a surprise, not only because of the inherent contradictions in the judgments themselves, but also because in comments leading up to the judgments, the Court had appeared to favour the petitioners' cause.

   The order in the same sex marriage case is retrogressive and mired in a medieval mindset, which exposes the Court's disconnect with a rapidly changing social order. By refusing to legalise same sex marriages, or allowing same sex couples to adopt, or giving them civil rights as a couple, the Court may have warmed the cockles of the BJP/RSS heart but it has also given a thumbs up to obscurantist forces. By directing that the government set up a committee under the Cabinet Secretary to examine the matter to confer more rights on the LGBTS and queer communities, the Court is only displaying its naivete, or deliberately deluding itself: does it really expect an officer who is on extension in service and who has been party to every unilateral and illiberal  decision taken by the present regime, to propose any expansion of the rights of this section of society, something this government is vociferously opposed to?

   The logic in the Manish Sisodia case is even more difficult to comprehend. In the course of arguments leading up to the judgment the Court had time and again castigated the prosecution for lack of any evidence against the accused. It had even gone so far as to say that there was no money trail to link Sisodia with any bribe, and that the ED's (Enforcement Directorate) case would collapse in two minutes during trial. And yet, it denied him bail and sent him back to jail. Such a vacillating and equivocal attitude can only encourage the govt. to lock up more people for months, confident that the courts will not enlarge them on bail, evidence or no evidence. Clearly, this order is based more on presumption than on solid evidence.

   The Electoral Bonds case was taken up after five years, the delay allowing the BJP to mop up almost Rs.5500 crores, many times more than that received by all the other parties combined. The court has now concluded the hearings and reserved its order more than two weeks ago, again giving the BJP the opportunity to open the window for another tranche this week. This will enable it to secure all the donations it needs for the 2024 elections: whatever the court now decides will effectively be irrelevant for the coming general elections, and after that, who knows- we're all dead (or conveniently reemployed) in the long run, in any case.

   In the Maharashtra disqualification case between the two Shiv Sena factions the Speaker continues to ignore, if not defy, the SC's repeated orders for a quick decision. The Speaker has been given such a long rope that he is using it to strangle whatever vestiges of democracy remains in the state. The Article 370 case similarly hangs in the limbo, the orders reserved, and democracy continues to elude Jammu and Kashmir. Umar Khalid continiues to rot in jail, as do the Bhima Koregaon accused, with their trials nowhere in sight. The Bilkis Bano case has disappeared from the radar, if not the court's registry. Whatever happened to the Pegasus Committee report, or the SEBI's investigation in the charges against the Adani conglomerate?

  With every day's delay in deciding such crucial cases, or in delivering reserved orders, the status quo (which can only favour the government of the day) becomes a fait accompli, all the more difficult to reverse. It emboldens the government to continue with its bulldozer tactics, and to take the court for granted. Which is why the Attorney General can make the kind of statements he does and continue cocking a snook, as it were, at the courts. Earlier this month he even cautioned the Court (was it a veiled warning?) not to cross its limits, when the CJI (Chief Justice of India) fixed 31st December as the deadline for the Maharashtra Speaker to decide the MLAs' disqualification case!

   It may be that the Court wishes to avoid a confrontation with the executive, and therefore "urges" when it should direct, or "requests" when it should mandate, or "persuades" when it should command. But such a timid approach is not working; it takes two to avoid a clash, and this government is perpetually in an adversarial mode. Moreover, it also reduces the majesty of the law and dilutes the credibility of legal institutions in the eyes of the citizenry. No amount of table thumping rhetoric and platitudes from pulpits outside the court can define a judge- what defines him or her is her judgment inside a courtroom, and that has been sadly lacking for the last few years.

  What we need is for the Court to administer the law without fear or favour, to practice within the court what it preaches outside it at seminars, conventions and in key-note speeches. We need fewer sermons, obiter dicta and moral grandstanding from the judiciary and more concern for our foundational freedoms and rights, stern messaging to the government, and imposition of consequences for defying orders. "Stooping to conquer" may be an interesting phrase for an Oliver Goldsmith  play, but entirely inappropriate for our current political environment; the phrase "Flattering to deceive" may describe it better, don't you think? 

GENOCIDE HAS NO NUANCES

   In my blog last fortnight (World Leaders and War Criminals) I had opined that what Israel and the USA were doing in tandem in Gaza was a war crime. Since then the criminality has only intensified and two thousand more innocent Palestinians have been murdered, with the world-global north, south and middle- either remaining silent or muttering inanities of the Blinken type that are specious and intended to give more time to Netanyahu to achieve his objective of depopulating the strip. A non binding UN resolution moved by Jordan for a ceasefire on humanitarian grounds has been passed by the General Assembly (for whatever it is worth), but to our eternal shame India has not voted in favour of a ceasefire. A reliable estimate states that Israel has already killed 1% of Gaza's population; in Indian terms that would amount to about 14 million deaths.

   Surely, both the irony of our posture and its perfidy cannot be lost on any serious or objective observer of our foreign policy. Here is the self-proclaimed leader of the global south-the Vishwaguru- which has just spent 4000 crores at the G-20 conclave to burnish these delusive credentials, but has now become just  a camp follower of the global north! It is a "leader" without any followers, a general without an army. That is the irony. The perfidy lies in an External Affairs Minister who has spent his entire career in the IFS (Indian Foreign Service) supporting the Palestinian cause (our time tested and age-old policy), but now has no stirrings of conscience in joining the pro-Israeli ranks. Either he has changed his mind (which is difficult to do at an age when most of your mind is in furlough in any case) or he has sold his soul for the loaves of office. I am inclined to plump for the latter explanation, given his strident expressions of loyalty to the right wing ideology and the Supreme Leader)for quite some time now. Which diminishes him as a human being: he has abandoned his principles and values and has now become a full fledged member of a callous, opportunistic, amoral and transactional universe. I wonder if he can sleep at night; he probably can, what with the experience acquired in the Ukraine war, doing precisely the same.               India now languishes in a no man's land- "terra nullius". We have abdicated any moral right to lead the global south, and in the global north we are now just another parvenu seeking only to stay in the good books of the USA, putting all our eggs in the geo-political basket and picking off crumbs from the high table. Our time of reckoning will come sometime, but it will not save the Palestinians from further slaughter. No one with an IQ above 50 (which excludes most of the bhakts, naturally) will buy our canard that we are maintaining "neutrality" in the Gaza conflict. Neutrality in a dispute between the world's fourth most powerful army, a nuclear power to boot, and a putative "nation" that comprises millions of displaced people with no government, economy or army and 80% of whom survive on humanitarian aid, is no neutrality; it is complicity with the former. As Martin Luther King had said: there can be no neutrality between right and wrong, or between good and evil. Neutrality in such a context means supporting the wrong and the evil. Which brings me to my next point.

  In response to my earlier piece I have received quite a few responses on the blog as well as by email. I won't bother with the bhakts and trolls since radical Hindutva, Nazism and Zionism all are poisonous fruits of the same genealogical tree and by definition can only exude venom. But there are a lot of otherwise well-read and reasonable people who appear to have succumbed to the "theory of nuances" in the ongoing pogrom and slaughter of Palestinians. This fake theory, and their argument, goes something like this: Israel's disproportionate assault on Gaza is not a simple black and white issue, it has nuances which must be understood. It is defending itself from a terrorist organisation which has beheaded babies and raped grandmothers, launches rockets against Israel, has taken 250 hostages, the Gazans fully support Hamas and must now pay the price for it. Most important, Jews have a right to the lands of the Palestinians since they were the original settlers, 900,000 Jews were evicted from Palestine in the early 20th century by the Arabs; some apologists even go as far back as the Old Testament and Canaanite period to justify Israels's claim to Palestinian lands. Most of this is misleading hogwash and an attempt to deflect the debate and to direct it to a road that leads away from recorded history and the war crimes being committed in Gaza.

  Today's global outrage should not be about who, the Jews or the Palestinians, are right about their respective claims to land- the anger should be about the slaughter of innocent non-combatants, women and children in Gaza in their thousands. There are no nuances here- not in the killing of 4500 children and 1500 women, not in the further 2000 buried under the blasted rubble, not in the bombing of hospitals, schools, refugee camps, not in the forced eviction of 800,000 Gazans from their homes in the north, not in the use of starvation as a weapon of war, not in the blockade of food, fuel and medicines to a people already horrendously deprived by 17 years of a blockade and 75 years of forcible displacement.

   There are no nuances in killing tens of thousands of innocents in order to assert a legal right to land which was never yours in the first place. (At the beginning of the modern era, which in the case of the middle-east can be said to begin with the conquest of Arab lands by the Ottoman Turks in the 16th century, there were barely 5000 Jews left in Palestine: they started arriving in large numbers only after 1947, starting the continuing dispossession of the Palestinians- a claim borne out by the United Nations time after time, and by the Oslo Accord).

   There are no nuances in determining the culpability of Israel in the ongoing genocide and ethnic cleansing. Even if Hamas is said to be a terrorist organisation (which it is not), this does not entitle Israel to behave like a terrorist itself, as it has been doing since 1947. A sovereign , democratic state has to abide by  international rules and covenants, during peace and war; it has to be held to a higher standard than a terrorist outfit. If it conducts itself like a terrorist entity, there is no subtlety needed to determine its guilt.                                                   In any case, independent evidence is now emerging that Netanyahu himself covertly supported and funded Hamas as a counter balance to the Palestinian Authority, it is his creation. The news about beheading of babies has been debunked by independent journalists. Even more damning evidence is beginning to indicate that most of the Jewish settlers killed on the 7th and 8th of October were killed by the Israel's IDF (Israeli Defence Forces) in retaliatory fire under its "Hannibal Directive" which requires the killing of the enemy at all costs, even if it involves the death of its own citizens. Some reports reveal that these Israelis were killed by tank shells and 5.7mm bullets which the Hamas does not possess. Nor does Hamas possess the kind of lethal missiles, one of which killed 500 people in a Gaza hospital in one midnight strike. Netanyahu is using the Hamas as a pretext for his subsequent savagery and to stay on in power; someone in India seems to be doing the same with our bankrupt "neutrality".

   Looking for nuances in this conflict, or claiming neutrality, is sheer Islamophobia and complicity in the neo-colonial game playing out before our eyes. The western colonialism of the 16th and 17th centuries is back, this time riding on the back of a Biblical justification, oil and gas, the Ben Gurion canal, racial hatred, and its Messiahs are a self-proclaimed Zionist in the White House who cannot climb three stairs without stumbling and a psychopath whose mind is "a black hole" which cannot be penetrated, according to his psychiatrist who had committed suicide. Truly has it been said: Homo homini lupus est. Man is wolf to man.

   

  

WHO NEEDS A SMART CITY ?

 I come from Kanpur in UP. In the immortal words of Bill Bryson: someone had to. Though why it had to be me I can't understand. But it could have been worse: I could have come from next door Unnao, in which case I'd be sharing the stage with Sakshi Maharaj and giving consular advice to our Muslim brethren on how to move to Pakistan, preferably in more than one piece. And though I no longer reside in Kanpur I used to go there once a year to visit my Dad and furtively check his will to ensure that my name had not been struck off the list of "labhartis", to use a word in fashion these days. But more on that later.

     Kanpur is one heck of a smart city: I'm not sure whether it made it to the official list of Smart Cities (which are all now smarting under mounds of garbage, pollution, strangulated roads and posters of Mr. Modi). But it doesn't really matter, for Kanpur was a genuinely smart city long before some mole in the PMO came up with the moniker : it doesn't need an official tag to classify it as a smart city, for it already has all the required attributes of one.

    For one, Kanpur and its four million citizens, don't need a government: since 1857, when Nana Fadnavis was given a rousing reception here by throwing 400 Britishers down a well in today's Nana Rao park, the city appears to have thrived without any sign of a government. God only knows what the dozens of Commissioners, DIGs, Judges and their minions do, for they certainly don't maintain civic facilities, roads, power, water supply, law and order, public transport etc. etc. The Kanpurias do all this themselves, in one happy chaotic system which exemplifies the ideal of Anarchism- the total withering away of the state. It was atmanirbhar long before Mr. Modi came up with this word.

   No one goes to the police for settling disputes: they just hire goons (the banks and NBFCs learnt this trick much later). Electricity is obtained by tapping into power lines, water by digging their own bore wells, transport by hopping onto one of the 40000 cycle rickshaws that ply without any permit, entertainment by attending political rallies and beating up each other. The Supreme court and the National Green Tribunal are a distant nuisance as the many industries joyously throw their muck into the Ganga to join the the thousands of crores which the govt. has already thrown into it. The difference, however, is stark: the muck is visible, the moneys spent are not.

    The good burghers of Kanpur love the IAS. Every family wants the son to join the IAS and the daughter to be married to an IAS officer. Most sons, however, end up as LDCs (lower division clerks) in the AG office if they are lucky, or as lawyers if they are not. The law is a respected profession here and I'm told there are more than 30000 lawyers in the district courts. Now, this may appear excessive, but consider this: in Kanpur it takes five lawyers to prepare an affidavit: one to look up the legal terminology, one to draft the document, and three to hold down the deponent so that he doesn't run away to any of the other 29995 lawyers.  There isn't adequate space for so many lawyers in the district courts and so the bar has devised an ingenious system for beating the odds: half of them are on strike at any given time.

   So much for the sons of soil buried beneath tons of toil. The daughters just HAVE to have an IAS groom, and for this their doting fathers will go to any length short of kidnapping an IAS officer (kidnapping has been tried but abandoned since it's extremely difficult to get rid of an IAS officer once he is ensured free board and lodging). In deference to the market economy and long before Ms Sitharaman came up with the idea, everything has been monetised, and there is a graded scale of dowry payment: 1X for appearing in the UPSC exam, 2X for clearing the prelims, 4X for passing the mains, 6X for getting selected, 8X for getting UP as the home state. One of my batch mates (who was in the 8X category) was approached by a prospective suitor who offered him a choice of three car models (there were only three back then) if he said "Aye": an Ambassador, a Fiat Padmini and a Standard Herald. Said batchmate took the Ambassador; he has since then upgraded the model (the wife, not the car).

   Kanpur has a very innovative approach to education, as I discovered when in 1970  I joined Christ Church College (yes, there were colleges even back then) for an MA in English. My first choice was Delhi Univ. but it would have nothing to do with any potential Naxalite from Calcutta. On my first day at CCC I discovered that in Kanpur English was taught in Hindi and the essence of the course was to be a good translator. But even here there was much to be desired. For example, the word  "misunderstanding" was usually translated as " ladki neeche khadi hai" ( The girl is standing below). My three years in St. Xavier's College, Calcutta, instinctively urged me that this was not correct, and so at the first chance I moved on to Hindu College, Delhi, where the understanding of English is better;  "misunderstanding" in Hindu College means a "broad minded girl"- not entirely correct perhaps, but certainly an improvement on a girl who merely stands under the stairs!

   Kanpur is well represented among the elite of India: Mr. Murli Manohar Joshi (of Moorkh Darshak fame) used to be our reluctant representative in Parliament, PAN PARAG Pan Masala is our answer to e-Commerce, Sunil Gavaskar is our municipal son-in-law since his wife Marshneil belongs to the city, Aseem Trivedi the cartoonist is our Freedom of Speech champion, we even have an ex President in residence, though no one can recollect whether he was President of India or of the BJP. We don't as yet have any distinguished alumni in Tihar jail, but we do have a prime candidate in Mr. Sri Prakash Jaiswal, the ex-Coal Minister and are hopeful that this minor deficiency will be rectified once the coal scam cases are decided by the CBI courts.

   For me Kanpur's biggest claim to fame, however, is its street food- at the risk of offending Vir Sanghvi I must declare that it is the best in the country. All of it has been copied by every other state but nowhere else can you get the original, authentic taste of its culinary standard bearers: the TUNDA KABAB and BOTI, the KACHORIS of Double Hathras, the MOTICHOOR LADDOOS of Banarsi Mishthan Bhandar, the PEDAS of Sita Ram, the MAKKHAN MALAI of Birhana Road, the gossamer light tendrils of whipped cream which can only be churned out by the falling dew of early morning ( given the vulgar name of Daulat-ki-chat in Delhi), the PURI-AALOO of Arjun Singh, the BADNAM KULFI and FALOODA of Parade, the TIKKI and DHANIA ALOO of Munna chaat walla who has been plying his spicy trade opposite the Reserve Bank Of India on Mall Road for more years than I care to remember. One can stay in the city for two weeks, eat three times a day and yet never eat the same dish twice. 

   Kanpur is a city sans any excess baggage of history or hoary cultural traditions or the compulsion to conform; it doesn't have the intellectual overburden of Allahabad, or the religious fripperies of Benaras, or the effete urbane refinement of Lucknow. What it has instead is a generic vigour, the ability to innovate and adapt, the art of cocking a snook at the mandarins of governments, and the momentum to carve out its own path. It is unstoppable. It demonstrates Newton's first law of motion- that an object, once set in motion, will continue to be in motion unless it is stopped by some external force. That external force does not as yet exist in the case of Kanpur. And that's precisely the reason why, long after Lucknow, Allahabad and Benaras have declined into genteel oblivion, Kanpur will continue to be a Smart city, whether or not it is included in an official list.

   Unfortunately, I haven't been to my cradle of nativity for some time now. It may be because my dad passed away in 2017 after accidentally hitting the DELETE button when my name cropped up in his will. Now, I keep wondering whether that was because he was near-sighted or far sighted.

WORLD LEADERS AND WAR CRIMINALS

    As modern day war criminals go, you could be forgiven for thinking that it would be difficult to beat the Netanyahu- Biden duo. The former has initiated a genocide in Gaza and the latter has been giving him all diplomatic and military covering fire to get the job over quickly. 6000 civilians dead in Gaza as I write this (including 2500 children and 1500 women), with more to come as the ground offensive of this doomed enclave unfolds. Ukraine is being repeated in Gaza, with the logic of justice being up-ended as per their fascist convenience- Russia is the aggressor in Ukraine for invading another sovereign nation and killing civilians, while in Palestine a rampaging Israel is the victim for doing the same. Sheer moral bankruptcy and criminality under international covenants is now rephrased as geopolitics. Israel has even called for the resignation of the UN Secretary-General for having had the temerity to say that the Hamas attacks did not happen in a vacuum. And it has now taken to taunting the UNRWA, the relief agency of the UN in Gaza: on the latter's pleas for allowing fuel into Gaza, this rogue state has suggested that it ask Hamas for the fuel! This is not just over-arching arrogance, it's the confidence of a criminal who has bought both the judge and the jury.

   How can an alleged terrorist organisation be equated or conflated with an entire nation, as the global North has done with Hamas and Palestine? And then obliterate that nation for the sins of those "terrorists", as Israel has been doing for the last three weeks? This is like the RAF carpet bombing Ireland because of the activities of the IRA, or India bombing Lahore for the actions of Pakistan's cross border terrorists. Netanyahu, Biden or their pet pit bulls in France and the UK may not comprehend this logic, but surely India should be able to see it, and at the very least demand that Israel respect this distinction. Previous Indian governments, from the time of Nehru to Vajpayee, had the humanism, sense of history and vision to realise this; they had learnt from our own history the abject consequences of partitioning of countries, and could therefore empathise with the Palestinians whose own ancestral lands had been forcibly partitioned in 1947. Not so with Naya Bharat where the benefits of Pegasus, hi-tech weapons and training by Mossad matter more than shared history, humanitarianism and justice. Islamophobia has now entered our foreign policy, it would appear; it was inevitable after the nine years of the present regime, for, as Hubert Humphrey had remarked: "Diplomacy is nothing but domestic policy with its hat on." Which is why Mr. Jaishankar has gone silent for now on this war, with even his usual waffling missing.

   The Netanyahu-Biden strategy is clear: it's time for the "final solution" in Palestine: occupy the Gaza strip, if not annex it. Readers would recollect that at the last General Assembly meeting in New York in September, Netanyahu had displayed the future map of Palestine as he saw it: it showed almost the entire region from the Jordan river to the Mediterranean (the present West Bank and the Gaza strip included) as part of Israel. The attack on Gaza is the first phase of converting this map to reality on the ground. Israel will occupy north Gaza after expelling all Palestinians living there (almost a million and a half) and either occupy it militarily, or convert it into a buffer zone with a proxy government.  Over time it will push more Israeli settlers in there, dispossessing the few Palestinians who remain there, as it does in the West Bank. It will change not only the geography but also the demography of the area forever, with the blessings of the North and the silence of countries like India. This is what Netanyahu had meant when he stated, at the beginning of this "war", that the Middle East would be changed forever.

  By any definition of terrorism, and under international law, Israel is a terrorist state. It has forcibly occupied 85% of Palestine and allowed, under military protection, 700,000 Jewish settlers to encroach on Palestinian land in the West Bank. It distributes arms to these settlers and has killed and jailed thousands of Palestinians without any judicial process: it is an occupation force and behaves as such, in the teeth of opposition by the UN and in flagrant violation of all international laws. It has converted the blockaded Gaza strip into what one commentator has described as the largest concentration camp in the world, and all this with full support of the USA, which runs its own concentration camp in Guantanamo Bay. Between 200 and 250 Palestinian civilians are routinely killed by Israel every year (more than 120 have been killed in the West Bank in just the last two weeks) and has imprisoned about 5000 of them, most of them without any judicial process. 

  As of today the UN has announced that it shall cease its relief operations in Gaza: Israel's two week old blockade has ensured that no food, fuel, medicines or even water can enter this enclave where 2.5 million have been trapped like rats ("human animals", according to an Israeli minister). 35 hospitals will be shut down, and the 140 babies in incubators and 130 patients in ICUs will almost certainly die. This is deliberate genocide, far more barbaric than taking hostages, even though the comparison is odious. And this is even before the ground offensive has begun! What more does it take to be a terrorist, pray?

   What India, which has ditched all moral and ethical values for rank opportunism and, in the apt words of (retired) Ambassador Talmiz Ahmed has "corporatised" its foreign policy for the benefit of a few cronies, does not smell is the fecal stench of racism emanating from the Israel-Palestine issue. When "white" Ukranian civilians are killed by Russia the West is outraged, but when "brown" Palestinians are massacred by Jews it sees this as just retribution. Even an Uncle Tom like Rishi Sunak is blind to this. Historically, the Muslims have never persecuted the Jews- it has always been white Christians who have persecuted, disenfranchised and murdered Jews, culminating, of course, in Hitler's final solution. There were hardly any Jews in Palestine in 1947, the vast majority were in Europe and should have been given their sovereign state there. But the Christians didn't want them as neighbours, apparently, and packed them off to an enclave in the Middle East under the Balfour declaration, one that belonged to the Arabs. So who is the racist and aggressor here? Self proclaimed Zionists like Biden and Uncle Toms like Sunak should think about this. So should the Hindu Samrats. History has a way of coming back to haunt one. It may not repeat itself, as someone said, but it rhymes.

   In these sorry times we could do worse than recollect the words of the poet, Mahmoud Darwish:

" The wars will end and the leaders will shake hands, and that old woman will remain waiting for her martyred son, and that girl will wait for her beloved husband, and the children will wait for their heroic father, I do not know who sold the homeland but I know who paid the price."

MONKEYING AROUND WITH THE CENSUS, CONSENSUS AND CON-SENSUS.

 The current flavour of the season is Census, not to be confused with Consensus, which is a con job on a census, as witnessed recently in the DD (Delhi Declaration) of the G-20. A census is basically a count, and the DD was a count of those nations who resolved to do nothing on any issue of global importance, as I have explained at some length in an earlier blog. Which is why the DD was a Con-census, regardless of what our  Vocal for Local favourite Sherpa may call it. And even as I write this a similar Con-sensus appears to be emerging about the Israel-Hamas conflict in the Global North. And India, as the self-appointed leader of the Global South, in the best traditions of Indian politics, has decided to defect to the North, as 20 million of its citizens have already done. But I digress.

The central government gave a miss to the decadal census which was due in 2021, possibly because it was too busy counting the banknotes which returned to the banks after demonetisation, or perhaps the banknotes which did NOT so return after the NPA (Non Performing Assets) birds had flown the coop. Whatever the reason, we will now never know whether there was a dip in the population post demonetisation (because every joker and his wife were standing in ATM queues instead of being tucked up in bed), or a bump in the population post the lockdown (because every joker and the neighbour's wife were in bed instead of toiling in the office). We will get to know only when Ms Kangana Ranaut gives us her views, which may take some time as she is currently preoccupied with dissecting the war in the middle-east.

But, just as nature abhors a vacuum, a census abhors a zero; as Confucius told the guy who invented Zero- thanks for nothing! And so our Opposition parties have decided that they will now conduct a caste census in their states, a kind of mini decadal census, to find out the number of BCs (Backward castes), OBCs (Other Backward castes), and EBCs (Extremely Backward castes). The SOBs will be counted after the elections. Bihar has already done it and released the results, Karnataka too has finished it but is sitting on the results which it will announce at "an appropriate time", Rajasthan and Chhatisgarh have also said they shall do it soon. This has been dubbed as Mandal-2, a sequel to the original blockbuster Mandal-1.

The entire exercise is like a salami-slicing of society till the original sausage is unrecognizable. The BJP is not elated about this, not because it prefers sausages whole, but because it holds the exclusive IPR and monopoly on dividing society. It does this through religion, but has been outflanked by the Opposition's use of caste to do something similar. We have now gone through the entire gamut of division and ghettoisation , having used everything possible to fragment the country- religion, regionalism, language, festivals, clothes, food, occupations. All that remains now is to do a sub-census of the Upper castes ( Brahmins, Rajputs, Jats, Marathas) who comprise about 20-25% of the population nationally, and tribals, and India will then resemble a piece of Emmentaler cheese, more holes than cheese. The only organism which thrives in this type of cheese is bacteria, which is an apt description for our politicians, you will agree.

But, unfortunately, my own state- Himachal- has been left out of this caste carnival. The state does not have a caste issue, primarily because it has only two dominant castes- government employees and apple orchardists- and between them they control the economy and the politics. Everyone is happy except Preity Zinta (who has left for the USA) and Kangana Ranaut (who is happiest when she is unhappy with something, which is most things). So, not to be left out, the Himachal government has now decided to conduct a census of monkeys in the state, as announced this week by its Forest department. Only "bona-fide" monkeys (those who were settled here before 1974) would be counted, not the "domiciled" ones (those residing in the state for 15 years) because the latter would already have been counted in places like Karol Bagh, Kotkapura, Surat and Asansol. The author of this piece officially belongs to the domiciled category, by the way, even though I have been swinging on trees in Himachal for the last 50 years and look alarmingly like an aged Rhesus monkey. But rules are rules and "show me the face and I'll show you the rule" doesn't work on this one, unfortunately.

Why a census of monkeys ?, you may well ask, and since I am not an RTI Commissioner I shall give you the answer. The govt. feels that the monkeys harass tourists, particularly in Shimla, and have converted the Jakhoo hill into a banana republic, literally. They also destroy crops and indulge in gorilla warfare with the villagers. The Forest department has been sterilising monkeys since 2004, with greater success than Sanjay Gandhi's efforts with their cousins: their population has reportedly declined  from 3.17 lakhs in 2004 to 1.36 lakhs in 2019.

But I have my reservations. For one, the monkeys are better behaved than the tourists and I feel it's the latter who should be sterilised instead. Two, apes best exemplify the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest, and catching the remaining 1.36 lakh will be tougher than catching a cold in Hell or catching Amit Malviya telling the truth. By the time I retired from the Forest department the simians could recognize every official in the department, from the Forest Guards to the DFOs (Divisional Forest Officers), as well as their vehicle numbers, and disappeared the moment they spotted the long arm of the law, somewhat like our Women Development Minister vanishing whenever an atrocity is committed on a woman. Thirdly, according to the (gr)ape-vine, the monkeys are enthused by the frequent rallying cry of "Jai Bajrangbali" and the Hanuman of the TV series Ramayana being allotted a ticket for the elections in MP, and have decided to contest the next elections. Their reasoning is that they should enter the fray directly instead of being used as proxies and intermediaries, something I believe Mr. Adani is also seriously considering. That has the sitting MLAs worried: they can no langur take their seats for granted, hence the need for the final solution of sterilisation.

However, I'm an optimist. The original and rightful denizens of Jakhoo have survived the Gorkhas, the British, the BJP, the Congress, Uncle Chipps and the guy from Kotkapura. They will live to cock a snook at the last of the inappropriately named homo sapiens when the inevitable apocalypse happens- census, consensus or con-sensus notwithstanding.

DHAN KI BAAT

 I should have listened to Mintu, ten years my senior, way back in 1973. If I had, I wouldn't be living in a village near Mashobra, waiting with bated breath for my pension every month, hoping the Treasury Officer doesn't question my Life Certificate which states: "Brain dead but still breathing and smoking Wills Flakes." I'd be rubbing shoulders in Kensington Gardens or a Bangkok penthouse with the Nirav Modis and the Vijay Mallyas of the world, handing out lavish tips to ravaging beauties, all debited to the Bank of Punjab or Baroda, as the (suit)case may be. I'd better explain.

In the Delhi university of 1973 you couldn't take a girl for a "band omlette" to Khyber Pass unless you had a Jawa mobike between your knees, its exhaust sawed off in some reverse phallic ritual. Lumbering through my final year MA (no, Mr. Narendra Modi was not my class mate) I petitioned my nearest living ancestor for a loan for a bike. Now, my Dad sold oil (Burmah Shell) for a living and was harder to pin down than an oil slick. Like Mamta Bannerji I kept hoping for the funds but they never came. Fed up of waiting and seeing a life of enforced celibacy awaiting me, I decided to take matters into my own hands and sat for the SBI Probationary Officers' Exam. To everyone's great surprise I made it, but then developed second thoughts: I'd always wanted to sit for the IAS. Enter Mintu, to whom I went for advice. Now, Mintu was the hot shot in the extended Shukla tribe, a go-getter in a multinational company. " Take it!" he ordained. " Why ?" I sought to know.

" A bank job," said he of the unlimited expense account, " is worth dying for. The fortunate guys can play around with their own money, but only the blessed play with other people's money. That's what you'll be doing for the next 35 years, you know(give or take a few years of suspension and jail time). You can borrow as much money as you want. Remember, a borrower never dies- he just loses interest."

I didn't heed Mintu's Delphic advice and now have the next 15 years in village Puranikoti to regret it. I have an aversion to taking loans, believing implicitly in the old adage: Neither a loaner nor a loanee be. A mistake which I ascribe to a double promotion between Nursery and KG II, which made me miss the other adage which Nirav Modi, Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi, et al. learned by heart in KG I: " A buck in the hand is worth two in the Bank." I guess I better explain this paranoia also.                                                                           I have had this great suspicion of loans ever since my Dad visited me when I was posted as SDM Chamba in 1976. Now, my Dad used to make a smooth transition from oil to alcohol every evening, scotch on the rocks. I had no rocks since , with a salary of seven hundred rupees a month, I could barely afford to keep my wife in clothes (not a bad thing when you're just married, but you get the drift), and therefore had no fridge. My Dad immediately directed me to buy one, saying he would put up the money for it. It was an (All)wyn-win situation. He went back to Kanpur after a few stiff ones on the rocks, had some second thoughts of his own, and informed me that the Rs. 4000 he had advanced to me was not a grant, but a loan. It was my Ashok Gehlot moment. I borrowed money from the District Nazir to repay my Dad and decided never to take a loan again.

But life has a way to make you eat your words. Suddenly, retirement loomed over the horizon and I realised that soon I would no longer have a leaking "sarkari" roof over my head. At about the same time my younger son Saurabh discovered Madhusudan Das ("Indian universities are the slaughter houses of intelligence") and decided to study in London. So I polished up my begging bowl and went with it to my bank manager for two loans: house and education. I got the loans but not before the bank had squeezed out every drop of information about me: a data extortion even Facebook would be envious of- salary slip, GPF statement, land revenue papers, default guarantee from employer, architect's plan. If I recollect it also took from me my horoscope ( to ascertain that I would live long enough to repay the loans), blood reports(to check whether I had AIDS), my ACR dossier (was I likely to be dismissed from service before repayment of the loan ?), an IQ test report for Saurabh to satisfy itself that he was intelligent enough for further studies (that was a close one), and perhaps even a report on my sperm count (to be sure that the bank would get a bang out of its buck- it didn't, nothing lowers the testosterone more effectively than two EMIs a month ).                                                                                                                                                                                                  After that experience I have never applied for a loan, not even a credit card or a post-paid mobile account, because I can't bear the thought of OWING money to anyone. A big mistake, because the only way you can get uber rich in India is by borrowing big time, and not returning the moolah. In this blessed country if you owe a bank ten thousand rupees it's your problem, but if you owe it ten thousand crores then it's the bank's problem! Just look at the couple of dozen bankruptcy cases before the NCLTA: while all the banks and depositors are taking what is called "haircuts" (but are more like fiduciary castrations) in the thousands of crores of rupees, the defaulters continue to live the life of the Sultan of Brunei. So, if you want to live the big life, go and borrow money- in crores. As the Duchess advised the ageing Duke: " If you can't raise it, you ain't getting no piece !" Which, by the way, appears to be a slight adaptation of that Confucious gem: Man who quarrel with wife get no piece at night.                                                                                             Which is also why I live in a village, doing Yoga when the sun rises and meditating when it sets. In between I think of Nirav Modi standing on tip toe peering down designer cleavages, of Vijay Mallya and his life membership of the Mile-High Club, of Lalit Modi who still appears to have the government by the  (cricket) balls, of the captains of Indian industry at Davos in their  bespoke suits which have no pockets- they don't  need pockets, because their hands are always in someone else's pockets, you see. Maybe I should have listened to Mintu.