THE UPSIDE OF BEING A DODO

                              THE  UPSIDE  OF  BEING  A  DODO

 As I find it a little more difficult to get out of bed each succeeding autumn morning, my mind  (what's left of it, that is) inevitably wanders to thoughts of ageing. The process is very gradual and kind of sneaks up on you: the cells stop multiplying but continue dividing, not unlike the BJP, the telomeres stop communicating with each other a-la Mr. Gyanesh Kumar and his colleagues the joints protest loudly like Mr. Kejriwal at any sudden move, the memory starts playing tricks like it does frequently with Mr. Rahul Gandhi on the stump, and one begins to speak like Sashi Tharoor i.e. in words that no one understands, certainly not my sons, nephews and nieces weaned on the two syllable patois of Twitter and Instagram. So slow is this process, however- like being murdered by a  four toed sloth- that one is not even aware of it.

   And then one day- WHAM!- it suddenly hits you full on the geezer. It can happen in different ways- getting up in the morning feeling half dead and having to check the obituary columns to determine whether one is still alive or dead, that alarming ECG report when you take out that new health insurance policy, the moment when your son is blessed- is that the right word these days?- with his second child or third divorce. It can even happen as it did to Groucho Marx: you are standing grieving at the graveside of your batchmate, all alone because everyone else has left, when a chap sidles up to you and whispers: " Not much point in going back home, is there?" My own epiphanic moment, however, came in an entirely different and discomfiting way.

   I usually travel by Metro since I need to reduce my family's carbon footprint which rivals that of Bigfoot or Godzilla, thanks to my wife Neerja. I seem to have spent my entire life following in her trail like an excited puppy: earlier it used to be so that I could spoon up the random smile, the casual word of endearment, the fleeting expression of affection- all too precious to be left discarded by the roadside. Now, however, I do it so that I can switch off the fan, lights, AC, geyser or heater in her wake: she NEVER puts them off because God himself once said " Let there be light!" and she's a deeply religious person. She HAS to say hullo to her mom, sister and bevy of friends six days in a week, and- you guessed it- it can't be done over the phone because Airtel maytell everyone about it, and in any case they all have to see who is wearing which type of Banarsi saree that day. So she burns the hydrocarbons like Mr. Mohammad bin Salman is giving it away for free in order to atone for blowing away Mr. Khashoggi, not a recommended use of wind power.

   So here I was on the Delhi Metro one day; it was crowded and I was standing in the aisle hanging on to a strap like yesterday's washing. Suddenly a pretty young girl got up from her seat and offered it to me with the words( I shall remember them till my dying breath): " Uncle, please take the seat." UNCLE ! When a beautiful member of the fair sex calls you Uncle you just know that there's no point in going on living; it's the kiss of death and you now belong with the dinosaurs. It was at that exact epiphanic moment that I realised that I was now a prime candidate for the geriatric ward. I had boarded the train as a sprightly 75 year old, but deboarded at Mandi House a broken relic. My metamorphosis was complete: I now belonged to the ages.

   One year later, however, after twelve months of this fossilized existence I must concede that things are not all that bad: being a dodo has its upside. I no longer mind the aching joints when I wake up every morning because they indicate that at least I'm still alive. The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were young you no longer want, and therefore don't miss them any more. I no longer fret and worry where my wife goes of an evening, just so that I don't have to go along with her. Mrs Sitharaman gives me an additional Rs. 50000 exemption on my income ( before he mops it all back with incessant cesses, of course), and the Railways give me a concession on the fare even though the train is 12 hours late and/or cancelled. The govt. respectfully refers to me as a "senior citizen" before asking me to line up for four hours in various queues. And most important of all, I'm gradually moving out of that lethal " MeToo" zone which has felled many a perpendicular stalwart, if you get my drift. Though, if accused of molestation, I might well be tempted to follow the example of that zippy 81 year old who was recently accused of doing just that. Standing in the dock he could barely conceal his pride at having been conferred this honour at his age, and when asked by the judge, pleaded guilty! The judge, of course, was having none of this and fined him a thousand rupees for lying under oath ! Or that other old dodger who was approached by this hooker outside a bar who propositioned him thus: " Hi, dad, I'm a great believer in barter: what do you say to some sex for some beer?" The ancient geezer thought for a long moment and replied: " What kinda beer you got?" Ah, the arrogance of old age! As Oscar Wilde almost said: the young know everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, and the old don't give a damn about anything!

   And that, dear reader, is the problem with the kiss of death: you're dead but don't know it. The walking dead.

 

INTERVIEW WITH KARAN THAPAR- "THE LAST SKY."

 I was interviewed to day by Karan Thapar on my new book THE LAST SKY- COUNTDOWN FOR AN ENDANGERED PLANET. I am giving below the Youtube link to the interview for those who may be interested in viewing it.

 https://youtu.be/qIDDTooeYqg

CONVERTING A STATE INTO REAL ESTATE.

 

[ A slightly shorter version of this blog was published in THE TRIBUNE on 27.09.2026 under the heading HOW LOOPHOLES ARE CONVERTING A STATE INTO REAL ESTATE].

In response to a recent blog of mine about unregulated constructions in Himachal, a discerning reader commented that he had done an online search for available properties in the state, and to his horror, found that 23450 properties were advertised for sale/ rent/ lease between just Shimla and Narkanda, a stretch of just 90 kms or so. Even allowing for double counting, these figures tell a tale which our policy makers would do well to listen to, and heed. For what they tell us is that faulty policies, lack of vision or understanding of economics are making Himachal prime real estate, up for grabs by whoever has the money and connections to exploit the system. But some background first.

Land is a precious commodity in Himachal, for the utilisable land is less than 15% of its geographical area- 8 lakh hectares against a total of 55.67 lakh hectares, the rest being forests, "gair mumkin" or areas above the tree line where nothing grows; the actual area under agriculture is even less- just about 5.25 lakh hectares. Farming is almost at subsistence level, the average land holding is 0.94 hectares (in Punjab it is 3.64 ha), small and marginal farmers hold 89% of the arable land. Industry is almost non-existent and the state has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. For all these reasons , as Nirmanyu Chauhan and Divyanshu Thakur put it so eloquently in their article in the WIRE (8.3.2026), land in this state is not just a commodity, it is a source of dignity, livelihood and autonomy. And security.

Himachal's first Chief Minister, YS Parmar, had the vision to realise this and therefore took steps to ensure that Himachalis were not deprived of their lands by rich and exploitative outside elements; he brought in the Tenancy and Land Reforms Act in 1974, Section 118 of which imposes severe restrictions on non- Himachalis buying land  in the state. They can do so only after obtaining prior approval of the government. Subsequent Chief Ministers, sadly, have lacked the same foresight and have introduced so many exemptions and loopholes in the law that now any smart lawyer or purchaser can buy any extent of land in the state for any purpose. And this is happening on a colossal scale, as the Shimla- Narkanda figure in para one proves. In just the last three years 1494 approvals have been granted, but this is only the proverbial tip of the ice-berg, the real mass of the problem lies below.

The actual transfer of lands to, and purchase by, outsiders would be many times the number of approvals officially cited above. This is because of the many exemptions provided to the operation of Section 118: no approval is required for a society consisting of agriculturists, flats built in urban areas, houses/flats taken on lease, RERA approved builder developments. These exemptions are actually loopholes and have virtually thrown up the whole of Himachal to land sharks and builders. In addition, "benami" land transfers are another way of avoiding the rigours of the law.                                                                                                 As living conditions in north Indian cities and metros steadily worsen, more and more people there are now investing in second homes in places like Uttarakhand and Himachal, especially post Covid. The threat now is to rural Himachal and its original residents. Land prices have sky-rocketed, and the Himachali landowner, unable to resist the lure of quick money, is being dispossessed of his ancestral lands on an ever increasing scale by hotels, home-stays, builder developments, resorts. This is changing the very architecture of the mountains, replacing green cover with concrete, effecting the demographics (as in the "ghost" villages of Uttarakhand), distorting local cultures. At risk is not only the geology but the very identity of the state.

                    

         [Flats for sale in Barog. Recreating the hills in concrete.

         Photo Credit: The Tribune]

The state's policy makers must look at the long term implications of such land transfers; it is time to review Section 118 of the HP Tenancy and Land Reforms Act to make it more restrictive. No approval should be given under this section for construction of hotels and  resorts in rural areas- they are ruining the hinterlands (just as they have the cities), one has only to visit the Tirthan valley, the Jalori pass to Jibhi stretch, the once pristine Barog saddle, the Mashobra-Naldehra section to see for oneself how pastoral Himachal is being converted into a concrete mess of multi storeyed structures There should be a complete ban on Section 118 approvals for real estate developments, housing societies, multi storey apartment blocks or villas. All the existing exemptions/loopholes in the Act need to be reviewed, especially the ones pertaining to RERA projects, purchase of flats, and leases. Some new curbs need to be introduced in the law, for example, a ban on purchase of lands belonging to Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes and BPL families (as in Uttarakhand) to prevent their exploitation by deep pocket outsiders and land sharks. Except for specific projects approved by the government, non-Himachalis who wish to purchase land in the state should be required to establish some connection to the state, whether by way of service, business or family for a minimum number of years, to qualify.

There would, of course, be legal considerations involved in adopting this course of action. There is bound to be resistance from some panchayats as land values will drop, from politicians egged on by land dealers and real estate companies, from the builder and property dealer lobbies, from influential people in the metros looking for a piece of the mountains as their own premium condos are engulfed by pollution and civic  collapse. Fortunately, the HP High Court at least has grasped the gravity of the matter; in a recent order it has castigated the government for allowing the concretisation and denudation of the green cover of Barog. It has sought details of approvals accorded under Sec.118, sanction of building plans, number of trees felled on private land, and has even warned that it would not hesitate to order an investigation by the CBI.                  Anyone who loves Himachal and its peoples will welcome this order, and would hope that this is the first of many to follow. The government should stop playing politics and making money, and should realise that this is a matter of survival of the mountains and the people to whom they belong. The state cannot be allowed to become one huge resort or gated community.

ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ! (and RSS)

 All the signs of the Second Coming, as foretold in the Bible, are visible: wars and conflicts, natural disasters, lawlessness and moral decay of society. Increasingly, however, it would appear that the event shall happen, not in Bethlehem or Palestine, but in India. A new God is about to be born here. The omens and clues have been there for some time: the presiding over the "sengol" in a new Parliament, the displacing of the Shankaracharyas at the inauguration of the new Ram Mandir in Ayodhya, the Shivji type of meditative posture in a Kedarnath cave, the non-biological claims, the direct communion with the Gods. And if anyone still had any doubts, the recent birthday celebrations of the prime candidate for the job should dispel them like tear gas at Jantar Mantar. He was worshipped like a God incarnate by the faithful, the powerful, the 37% of the country who have been ideologically lobotomised, "diyas" lit for his long life, "bhajans" sung in his praise, I believe even temples erected for his eternal exaltation and glorification.

It appears to me that the stage is set for a new religion,Moditva, to replace Hindutva. The latter has served its purpose: religions must evolve to suit the zeitgeist of the times, new Gods must be brought in as lateral entry to strengthen the divine cadre, the scriptures must be reinterpreted to conform to the new ruling and fashionable ideology of the head priests, the loaves of office will be the new "prasad" on offer, the hosannas will now be digitized through EVMs. These are tectonic shifts in the religious firmament, the old deities can no longer meet the new job description, their CVs are dated. A new God, a new religion are needed. Mr. Modi and Moditva will fit the bill nicely, thank you.

Expect the proselytization in favour of Moditva to begin in earnest now, notwithstanding the many anti-conversion laws that bedevil other religions.. Actually, this job is already half done with Universities and colleges, "autonomous" institutions, the civil services and the top brass of the defense forces, Bollywood, the media, RWAs, already brought into the fold; the judiciary needs a few more strategically prodded Collegium postings to be fully baptised. The rest shall be done by Apostle Gyanesh Kumar.

There may, however, be a problem with this Roll Over, RSS ! moment. Will this hoary organisation, founded on the old Hindutva ethos, simply play ball and turn belly up? Or will it see Mr. Modi's Second Coming as its own Final Going ? And is the new Godhood even possible without the RSS singing hymns and psalms to it ? These questions shall be answered, methinks, not at Phillipi , but in Uttar Pradesh next year. Till then, dear reader, join a choir and start practicing. There is much singing to be done yet.

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The SIR (Special Intensive Revision) started as a catastrophe in Bihar and Bengal but has now become a farce in Delhi. India is perhaps the only country in the world (outside the totalitarian ambit) where even retired judges, an ex-Vice President, a serving Election Commissioner, Chief Ministers of states, a retired Army Chief, retired Ambassadors, a former Deputy Prime Minister, the Chief of its premier federal investigative agency-all pillars of the nation- have to prove their voter status and citizenship. Even though they have all voted in the past and have adorned the highest posts in the land! They are in the company of 4 million other Delhi voters, almost 40% of the existing voter list. Who says we are one of the world's leading unequal nations ? With his indiscriminate carpet bombing of voters Mr. Gyanesh Kumar has not only struck a blow for equity, but has also reduced our population by 130 million, as Mr. SY Quraishi has pointed out. Expect the Ministry of (Fudged) Statistics to rework our GDP and per Capita Income as an offering to the new deity.

There are, of course, many explanations for this farce. AI experts are of the view that this was bound to happen - with the Election Commission itself having gone rogue, it was inevitable that the AI agents in its algorithms too would turn rogue. Others believe that this was a false flag operation, the result of our close ties with Israel-by deliberately targeting the creme-de-creme of past and present governments, the ECI is debunking the charge that the exercise is meant to delete minorities and vulnerable sections who do not vote for the BJP. Can anything be more democratic, transparent and equitable ? A third explanation is that this is a shot across the bows for some- behave your self, or out you go from the voter roll and into Bangladesh !!  Our village idiot offered a fourth perspective- that this was Mr. Gyanesh Kumar's first move to, well, move into Rashtrapati Bhavan- a message that he holds all the cards, or votes, and that a  mere thirty pieces of silver will not do for him. But I prefer the prognostication of our hamlet's second eminence, the village drunkard who's steeped to his eyeballs with both booze and the latest news- viz. that Gyanesh Kumar, in the light of the latest developments, will be the first sacrificial offering to the new presiding deity of Moditva. He doesn't know it yet, but the cockroaches do, and they've been around for a long time, haven't they?

Which is the correct explanation? I don't know, and I really don't care. All I know is that a farce is no laughing matter. As Samuel Taylor Coleridge said: Farce is nearer tragedy in its essence than comedy is.

  

LESSONS FROM NEPAL FOR HIMACHAL- STOP THE DESECRATION OF THE DEV BHOOMI

 Only a fool  learns from  his own mistakes, said Otto von Bismarck, the wise man  learns from the mistakes of others. It is now time for policy makers in Himachal , who so far have refused to learn from either their own mistakes or that of Uttarakhand and Wayanad, to imbibe some lessons from the horrendous tragedy of Nepal. And the lesson is simple- the Himalayas have had enough. Back off!

"Development" has gone berserk in Himachal- 12000 hectares of precious forest land diverted in the last twenty years for various projects, 174 hydel projects sanctioned/ commissioned, 5 million trees felled, construction rules relaxed to permit even 10 storey buildings, the Shimla Development Plan 41 approved to deregulate the city's precious Green Belts and allow construction even in the Heritage and Core areas, an epidemic of unnecessary four-lane highways criss-crossing the state, scores of tunnels planned under the fragile mountains, plans to increase tourist footfall from the present 20 million/ annum to an unsustainable 50 million. And all this in a state which comes under the seismic category VI- the highest. No amount of warnings or reports from environmentalists and scientists that the mountains simply cannot sustain this level of anthropogenic activities have made the governments (current and past) see sense.

The Himalayas are now pushing back, with increasing intensity. Not-so-"natural" disasters in just the three years between 2022 and 2024 have caused direct financial losses of Rs. 13500 crores to the state and claimed 800 lives; the indirect losses to business and livelihoods are much more. (Just this year the losses so far have been Rs.1400 crores and more than 200 dead).For the natural features that held the fragile mountain stratas together- trees, glaciers, snowfields, river drainage- are being decimated and destroyed by these activities. The Himalayas are warming at twice the average global rate, and this warming effect is being amplified by local "heat islands" caused by emissions from heavy machinery and labour camps, deposit of black carbon on the ice fields, pollutants from the ever increasing number of vehicles intruding into high altitude fragile eco-systems on the new roads, removal of green cover. The permafrost which holds together the fractured mountain soil is melting. Dumping of muck in the watercourses is reducing their capacity to carry the excess water, resulting in regular "flash floods." Many  red lines have been crossed.

The Himalayas have been warning us for some time now- there was Kedarnath in 2013 , Chamoli in 2021, Sikkim in 2023, Dharali in 2025, and now Nepal.      Among the most dangerous impending threats to Himachal is the growing number and size of the glacial lakes in the state, primarily responsible for the disasters above. The state had 107 glacial lakes of noticeable size with a total area of 5.54 sq.kms in 1990, the numbers are  669 and 11.20 now. Some have reached dangerous proportions, like Ghepan in Lahaul which has grown six times to almost 100 hectares. All the major rivers emanate from the glaciers above these lakes and the hydel projects on these rivers are extremely vulnerable to GLOFs. The very hydrology of these rivers are changing. Any damage to these projects would also endanger the lakhs of people living in towns and villages below them, as Nepal has so tragically shown.

Himachal is also naturally susceptible to other high risks: the state lies in the highest seismic zone- VI, it has 20000 landslide prone hot-spots, EWEs (Extreme Weather Events) caused by climate change have increased by 40% in the last few years.

The time for studies, seminars and only monitoring is over. What is needed urgently is decisive action and a drastic change in the model of development the state has been following all these years. The government needs to consider these measures urgently:

* Impose a moratorium on ALL new hydel projects, and stay those sanctioned but not yet started actual construction. Scrap the dozens of projects approved/planned for the high altitude Chenab and Chandrabhaga basin in Lahaul-Spiti, and in Kinnaur and Pangi areas (which the local people have already been protesting against for many years).

* Exhume the 2010 report on environmental impacts of hydel projects by the then Addl. Chief Secretary (Forests) which the High Court had accepted but the then govt. had opposed and subsequent ones moth-balled. Consider its major recommendations- ban on hydel projects in high-altitude, alpine, glaciated, forest catchment areas; maintain minimum distance of 5kms between projects; ensure minimum perennial flow of rivers; develop EIAs, EMPs, CAT plans for the entire river basin (and not just individual projects), before sanctioning any project on any river. Review all projects in the light of these recommendations, and if they are not conforming to them, or pose a threat, then decommission them.

* Vigorously oppose the Center's proposal for a 8.7 km tunnel below the Pir Panjal range to bring the waters of the Chandrabhaga in Lahaul to the Beas in Kullu. This project would rip out the heart of the Himachal Himalayas and would be a disaster of unprecedented proportions: it would destabilise the geology of three districts, generate tens of millions of tonnes of muck which can only clog the rivers, waterways and drainage of these areas, it would disturb the underground acquifers and affect hundreds of water supply schemes, the additional water now added to the Beas would amplify the river's destructive potential, which already causes havoc in Kullu every year. New Delhi's diplomatic failures (which is the cause for this project) should not morph into misery for the state.

* Reconsider the mindless focus on increasing tourist numbers to 50 million from the current 20 million. The state's environment cannot support such numbers, the infrastructure needed for it- roads, buildings, vehicular pollution, sewage and garbage, water supply- would result in huge damage to the natural environment and cultural identity of the state. Learn from the Bhutan model, limit the numbers, improve the quality.

* Impose a ban on tourist/real estate/commercial constructions in rural areas, especially on the peripheries of major towns. Himachal's cities have been ruined by such constructions, mainly by outsiders who are now despoiling the rural areas, cutting hills, felling trees, congesting rural roads, straining local water availability, polluting the forests and water-sources with sewage and garbage, creating noise and light pollution The areas adjoining Kasauli, Solan, Shimla, Manali, Palampur, Dharamsala bear abundant testimony to this ravaging of the environment. Himachal's rural areas should not be allowed to go the way of its towns.

* Immediately discontinue and put a halt to the four-laning epidemic, which benefits only politicians, contractors and bureaucrats.  They are not needed, they fracture the geology of the areas they pass through, destabilise the slopes, destroy properties, deprive people of livelihoods, encourage even more polluting vehicles to contaminate our pristine ambience. Both the Parwanoo-Shimla and Kiratpur-Manali highways are continuing (and very expensive) disasters that prove this. Both remain "under construction" even after a decade.

The time to act is NOW. The Himalayas have tolerated our arrogance for centuries, but their patience is now wearing thin. The warnings to us are getting more frequent, and more intense each year. We proudly call Himachal the Dev Bhoomi but ravage and pillage it shamelessly for votes and profit. This must change. Even the Supreme Court warned the state govt. some months back to be more sensitive to the environment or the state would "disappear from the map " of India. We are proving right the words of Hubert Reeves, a French astrophysicist and environmentalist:

Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible God and destroys a visible nature. Unaware that this Nature he is destroying is the God he is worshipping! 

Respect Nature. That is the true worship of God.

THE LAST SKY- COUNTDOWN FOR AN ENDANGERED PLANET

 

I'm happy to convey that my latest, eighth, book has been released yesterday by Authors Upfront/ Paranjoy. It is a book I always wanted to do, and am glad that my publishers have made it possible.

The Earth is hurtling towards environmental Apocalypse at break-neck speed, and every possible alarm is sounding. CO2e emissions are going up every year instead of declining, the planet is about to breach the critical 2* Celsius (increase in temperature) mark by 3035, 10 million hectares of forests are cut down every year and one third of the Amazon rain forests have vanished, all Himalayan glaciers will disappear by 2100, 10000 species of life forms are going extinct every year (1000 times the normal pace of nature).

 The state of India’s natural environment does not offer much hope, either. The present government’s stated policy of prioritizing “ease of doing business” over protecting the environment has led to dismantling and diluting the laws on the subject, converting the Ministry of Environment to a facilitator for industry and big capital (between 2014 and 2019 it approved 11500 cases of diversion of forest lands-99% of cases received!). Even the judicial guard-rails—the Supreme Court and the National Green Tribunal –appear to have fallen in line, as the recent judgments on the Aravallis and the Great Nicobar Project demonstrate unambiguously. More effort is spent by the government on fudging figures than on taking pro-active steps to move to a more sustainable policy.                                                                                                                                                 I will not bore the reader with more figures, the pieces in this book contain plenty of them. Suffice it to say that the present Holocene era has been  rechristened by scientists as the Anthropocene in recognition of the human-induced impact on the planet, and it may very well be the last for homo sapiens.

For things are only getting worse, for the three most powerful forces at play today which have the power to destroy the world- AI (Artificial Intelligence), Climate Change, wars -are coming together, developing a synergy which is ominous for the survival of all living creatures. The race for ever-increasing GDP numbers, unsustainable consumption and materialism, growing human populations, human avarice, greed and vision-less leadership-all mean that the planet’s natural resources are being plundered at a rate beyond its powers to replenish, and will lead to an inevitable collapse of the global eco-systems. Mankind cannot possibly survive this collapse.

Sadly, there is little interest in our country in this subject, even as the effects of ignoring it are compounding every year, whether it be urban pollution levels, increasing toxicity of rivers, falling ground water levels, melting of glaciers, emergence of zoonotic viruses, greater incidence of floods, landslides and GLOFS ( Glacial Lake Outburst Floods), changing weather patterns, heat-waves. No one appears interested in talking about this looming disaster- not the governments, media, political parties, judiciary, the dormant intelligentsia. It is never made an election issue or a public cause, except in some very instances, and then too it is quickly forgotten.

This book is an attempt to redress this (im)balance. The collection of 60 essays covers the period from 2014 to 2026, so that the reader can judge for himself the evolution of policies, impacts and urgency over time. (He will, unfortunately, find that things are only getting worse with each passing year). The essays address a wide canvas of issues: hydel projects, unplanned urbanisation, forest management, wildlife protection, rewilding, overtourism, excessive “development” in the Himalayan/ mountain states, short-sighted global and domestic policies, climate change. A whole chapter has been devoted to  Himachal Pradesh, for two reasons: first, I have served there for 35 years and am settled there and it is the state I know best. Secondly, Himachal accurately reflects the issues confronting all Himalayan states in the country.

The book has been divided into six chapters, the pieces in each covering a broad sector/ subject such as Policy Issues, Tourism, Hydel Projects, etc. The essays are arranged chronologically within each chapter, and dated, to provide the proper context for a better understanding by the reader. The purpose is not only to share information but to facilitate and encourage the reader to engage with the protection of our precious natural environment and ecology. Not just as an intellectual or academic exercise, but for a very selfish objective- to leave behind for our children a healthy, living and breathing planet. For, as someone said, this is the only planet we have, if we destroy it there’s no Plan(et) B.

(This book is available on Amazon (paperback and Kindle version) and at leading bookstores).

 

THOUGHTS ON EATING OUT , PROTESTS AND SPLIT PERSONALITIES .

 One doesn't eat out often, partly because I haven't yet received my last six DA instalments, but mainly because I can never find parking in NOIDA. But once in a while one has to be adventurous, so Neerja and I decided to have a night out. The question, however, prompted by recent FDA revelations about what is actually dished out as food in restaurants, was: how do we ensure that we are not served plastic granules as rice, palm oil as paneer, crow meat as chicken, shampoo and emulsifier as milk ? "I know," said Neerja, "let's invite Tukaram Mundhe to accompany us for dinner too!" She was right, you know-Mr. Mundhe is the new toast of the foodies, when he walks into a restaurant the rats and cockroaches (the real ones) leave by the back door, the analogue paneer is dumped into the sewer line, and managers start counting the flies in their kitchens instead of their profits.                                                                          I'm told the most sought after rating in Bombay eatery circuits these days is not the Michelin Star, but a certificate which proudly states "Tukaram Mundhe approved eatery." A close second is a board announcing: "Tukaram Mundhe eats here." But I'm afraid he may be Khemka-ed very soon: institutions nowadays are not expected to follow the law but to find ways around them, for a consideration, of course. Opposition to him has started organising itself. The Bombay High Court has already conveyed its royal displeasure to him. A report in a newspaper revealed that footfalls in restaurants have fallen by 20%, as folks no longer want to pay through their noses for dining on cockroaches, rats, flies and worms (not to mention the Service Charge). I would not be surprised if corporate hospital boardrooms are worrying about the declining patient numbers (and profits) in their Emergency wards for food poisoning, vomiting, loose motions, nausea and other complimentary gifts of five star eateries. Very soon this shall have an effect on our GST collections and the GDP, and Mundhe shall be declared a Dimagi Naxal and Pakistani collaborator. He will then be sent on deputation to the External Affairs Ministry where any damage he does will be as nothing compared to the destruction Messers Jaishankar and Misry have already wrought, and will therefore not be noticed. 

Coming back to my dinner date, Mr. Mundhe was not available on the phone: he was on his seventh interview of the day for a TV channel, after which he was scheduled to raid the Raj Bhavan kitchen. So Neerja and I decided to play it safe and have aloo parathas and kheer at Murthal- a dhaba is still the safest place to eat in India, and there's plenty of parking too. It also eases the pain of the missing DA instalments.

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The cockroaches, Dimagi Naxals and "kuttas" are barking up the wrong tree. The changes and reforms they want -in the examination systems, condition of schools, accountability- will not happen unless this unresponsive government in Delhi departs. And it will never depart as long as the future elections (general and state) are based on SIR and EVMs. It now appears increasingly plausible  that both have been so structured as to deliver victories for the BJP/NDA  when and where it matters. The anecdotal evidence is mounting. The established political parties appear to be  finally realising this, and the new kids on the block should, too. They will achieve their ultimate goal only when the elections are rendered fair and transparent, when the Election Commission of India is compelled to cancel SIR,  revert to the paper ballot system, impartially enforce the Model Code of Conduct; when the force of public pressure persuades the Supreme Court to quash the appointments of the three Election Commissioners as violative of an earlier SC judgment. These are the foundational changes the times demand and the CJP should take up - achieve these, and the rest will follow as surely as spring follows winter. Fail here, and the winter of discontent will continue for a very, very, long time and there will be no spring.

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I've reached the time of life when I can expect Drs. Dementia, Parkinson and Alzheimer to be standing in a queue outside my door. They have not, however, paid me a visit so far; I suspect because either my name has been deleted from their lists in a Gyanesh Kumar type of exercise, or because they suspect that I am already so far gone that their ministrations are not required. Which suits me fine, because these days I am afflicted by another condition- schizophrenia or split personality, or, to be more precise, splintered personalities because there are now so many of me. Let me explain.

The symptoms first evinced themselves in 2014 but have now metastatized to an impressive scale, especially after the July student protests in Delhi. I have always considered myself a dissident or dissenter of the Modi government and was fairly comfortable with this personality trait, notwithstanding that it has cost me most of my relatives and friends. But not any more. For I am now informed, on the authority of a dozen Ministers and Kangana Runout, that I am also a cockroach, a "kutta", an Andolanjeevi, gang member of both the Khan Market and Tukre-Tukre gangs, a gutter generation type, an anti-national, an urban Naxal, a Dimagi Naxal. Whew! That's a lot for any one individual to handle: I cannot for the life of me figure out to which of the above genera I belong. It has caused an identity crisis for me: who the Hell am I ? I probably need to see a shrink, but I don't think my CGHS card will cover that. Neerja, the only other intelligent member of my family other than Brutus, my doggo, says there is only one solution to my problem- stop disagreeing with Mr. Modi on everything and become his supporter. With this change my splintered personality will coalesce into just one - that of a Bhakt- and the schizophrenia will vanish in an instant. A Bhakt has no nuances, doubts, questions, he is self confident in his stupidity, proud of his incompleteness. I considered the idea for a couple of days but then decided to dump it. For I discovered that the "bhakt" has his own medical, much severer mental condition- Delusional Psychosis, in which he regards the non-biological one as a God, has a complete disconnect from reality, is ready to kill those who think, pray, eat or speak differently and is stone deaf to reason. I can live with my splintered personality but this "bhakti" is a pain in the traditional place I can do without. Maybe I'll just go to Sadhguru to find out the real me.