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Friday 24 November 2023

THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT IN THE DOG

   Animals have always featured prominently in Indian culture and mythology, and have added immensely to their richness and mystique. Garuda is the loyal friend of Vishnu, the peacock is the vehicle for Kartikeya, the lion is Durga mata's fearless steed, the elegant swan is the vehicle of Brahma and Saraswati, the snake adorns Shiva's neck and Nandi the bull is his constant companion, the white elephant is the companion of Indra, the god Ganesha is half human and half elephant, the demon killed by Durga came in the form of a buffalo. Even Man's best friend, the dog, is worshipped in parts of Sikkim and north Bengal, it is the mount of fearsome gods like Kalabhairva and we are told that four fierce dogs guard the abode of Yama, the Hindu god of Death.
   You could be forgiven for thinking that our scriptures have more animals than most of our National Parks and Wild Life Sanctuaries, but let's leave that little critique for another time. So why am I sputtering on about animals, like a loquacious cicada? Because, dear reader, animals continue to dominate the Indian landscape even today and play an important part in our polity and public life. They grab our attention like the WWF (World Wrestling Federation) wrestler grabs his opponent by his round and bouncing organ, which thereafter bounces no more, to paraphrase the refrain from Edgar Allen Poe's poem, The Raven. Let me explain.
   Our public life is full of animals, and I'm not referring to the type who get elected but to the genuine ones. How can one forget Gau mata, or the Jallikattu bull, or Azham Khan's missing buffaloes for whom Interpol had to issue a red corner notice, till it was discovered that they had actually joined the BJP to save their skin, literally? Or Rahul Gandhi's pet pooch, Piddi, who provided the alibi for Mr. Hemanta Biswa Sarma of Assam to join the BJP and become Chief Minister. In times bygone the English King Richard III had shouted "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!" which the wily Biswa Sarma converted to: "A kingdom, a kingdom, a dog for a kingdom!" He got his kingdom and Rahul got the doghouse.
   Then again there was that incident about Delhi's AAP leader, Somnath Bharti, and his Labrador. His wife (Bharti's, not the dog's) alleged that he used to order the dog to bite her and lodged a police complaint. The poor Lab was taken to the police station and, in order to test him, was ordered to bite a constable. Being a canny canine of good taste, the doggie refused, the case against Bharti collapsed, but he has not been seen in the AAP kennel since then.
   Readers will also recollect that incident involving the IAS couple, the Khirwars, in Delhi last year. They had taken their dog for a walk in a stadium, which the govt. felt had reduced our medal tally in the Asian Games by at least half a dozen. Consequently, they were asked to take a longer walk, to Ladakh in one case and to the north-east in the other. I learn that now IAS officers have stopped taking an amble with their pooches, it is too dangerous. They now take their wives for a walk; no marks for guessing who's holding the leash on these jaunts. All because a fastidious canine insisted on peeing on astro turf rather than the genuine grass.
   Given the central role that dogs have been playing in Indian politics in Amritkaal of late, therefore, it is no surprise that the Mahua Moitra  brouhaha also has a dog as its prime mover, a Rottweiler named Henry, presumably after the English king who had a very innovative method for resolving his wives' headaches. Now, I don't know why she named him Henry - she probably had a good history tudor in school. Be that as it may, Henry is the undoubted kingpin in this whole affair; not only is his custody the causus belli in this case, he is also the insider who knows everything- whether Mr. Dehadrai is just an ex-lover or a jilted lover, who did the jilting, who visited Ms Moitra, who she spoke to on the phone, the type of gifts received by her, etc.
   The Ethics committee of Parliament, intent on peeping through the key-hole rather than looking at the larger picture, definitely missed a trick or two by not examining Henry under oath or getting his statement recorded under Section 164 of the Criminal Procedure Code. I believe the police did ask him a few questions but, having spent time with a lawyer and a Parliamentarian. he was well aware of his rights, cited the Fifth Amendment and also quoted the law against self incrimination. Brain mapping and a narco test were suggested but Henry insisted that a similar test be carried out on Mr. Nishikant Dubey, the complainant M.P. This time it was the latter who refused, fearful of what the tests might reveal about the state of his brain. The last time such a test was carried out on a politician, it revealed no brain at all, just a bank passbook and a doctored print-out from an EVM (Electronic Voting Machine). 
   The last chapter in this drama has not yet been written, and we can expect the curtain to rise again when Parliament reconvenes in December. Meanwhile, the Royal Bengal tigress in West Bengal has also joined the battle and has divested Mr. Adani of the Rupees twenty five thousand crore port project allotted to him earlier. It's all hands on the deck now. The government has thrown all its might against the diminutive lady from Bengal but will soon find out who the real Rottweiler is. One can't help but recollect the words of Mark Twain: "It's not about the size of the dog in the fight but about the size of the fight in the dog."

9 comments:

  1. An USA educated ex investment banker with a Tea Garden upbringing Mahua with her well researched parliamentarian debates was a welcome change. Her involvement with a kiss and tell young lawyer who decided to make the dog controversy public and to get back at her through a seasoned politician in conflict with Mahua. A Government dominated parliamentary committee with the intention of eliminating her from the house and a business man friend toeing the establishment line and providing evidence for self interest takes this story forward.
    What was lacking was party support which Mamata has decided uo provide and I believe Mahua will be around in the times to come and keep her attack up on the obvious crony capitalism visible today. Infact all this has given her enough exposure to be heard. Finally she is intelligent enough to understand the shady world of Capital politics through this sordid affair and would definitely be extremely cautious of the kind of company she keeps. I personally like her and her well researched articulation of India's political issues and hope she rides this tide. We need more of her kind rather than the desk thumping old foggies thriving on the taxpayer, underperforming and beating the purpose that were elected for.

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  2. Mahua Moitra is a breath of fresh air in an otherwise lacklustre house. She admits she has terrible taste in men which they have proved beyond doubt. Let's wait and see who has the last laugh? What about other matters that the same ethics committee has not taken up be it the degree issue, the abuse in parliament issue, etc. that they followed no due process is clear to all and the unseemly haste with which they dealt with her has only exposed double standards yet again.

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  3. Mahua has Henry to protect her. No worries. Last heard Nishikant Dubey comparing her with Dawood Ibrahim. She has already psyched her adversaries.

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  4. To be fair, this being a tripartite matter, Henry’s preference was given de jure deference. He appeared bored when Mahua kissed and massaged him a thousand times, but was thrilled to be petted by her jilted ex. And so he was custodied ipso facto with the Lawyer, not the Parliamentarian. Faux justice? Or was the fellow making his statement?

    One hopes the Rottweiler will behave himself when amid the other gender, now that they are just two bachelors in their pad. While Dehadrai has not excelled himself as a gentleman, it is imperative that the dog observe manners. Empirical and anecdotal indications are that the animal spirits unleash in them much faster than they do in our business class. A limerick in an anthology curated to the risque and ribald - genres that lend to the upliftment of Mr. Shukla - goes something like this:

    A philandering Dachshund named Kyle,
    whose length shot his height by a mile,
    knocked up a huge Great Dane,
    whose litter was a shapeless shame,
    but I don’t know how, to this while.

    Considering that Rottweilers and Dachshunds originate commonly from Germany, there is material to ponder.
    Mahua, having lost her man, mastiff, login id and password, must be a woman seething in isolation. Her time will come,
    Revenge and retribution seek patience.

    The last time Avay Shukla came up with a contorter, cramper and choker was when he wrote about the bulldozer being sighted in his village which sent everybody except the village drunkard in a tizzy. The mean machine went trundling harmlessly past but a lot of us readers came into trouble from excessive intestinal stretching.
    Something similar may probably happen. My ribs are sore.

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  5. Vishwas Patankar, this round is yours. No question.
    Including the limerick, (which, if you are not aware, is variously around in Anu Garg's Sunday offerings - of Wordsmith/ Word a Day fame) and continues to enjoy a somewhat 'underground' notoriety in terms of literature for the masses. And then you're closing words. Trust you're better now, having got it off your chest.
    Thus said, am continuously delighted by the quality of written comment that Avay evokes. Don't remember reading the three above preceding yours, but great. Pithy.
    As I've said before, such fame is also worth the gloss.

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    Replies
    1. I observe that this merrily composed, comedial piece has elicited a somewhat demure reaction, with the usuals countable by their reticence.
      While all Shuklan literals make for invigorating reading, some stay etched in the mind for their limitless wit and candour. The bulldozer blog was one such!

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  6. Street dogs always harm the pedigree one's.
    Mahua was not an exception.
    Wonderfully n humorously scripted with a pinch of salt!

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  7. I am surprised by the support for Mahua by well educated. It seems true that Indian democracy is safe due to common man. Not so called educated.
    I hope people will change their views now that the episode has played almost completely

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  8. I thought the quote - size of dog... was from Eisenhover

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