TWO FLEW INTO THE CUCKOO'S NEST

The cuckoo is the proverbial opportunist of the avian world. Too lazy to apply itself to any hard work, and lacking the confidence to create anything itself, it does not build its own nest but instead takes over nests built by other birds. It thrives on the labour of others. On the 16th of this month two more cuckoos have joined our political firmament, much to the disappointment of their supporters and erstwhile admirers.

Kiran Bedi and Shazia Ilmi had for some time been chirping the implied message that they were badly in need of nests to feather and that they could not wait any longer to find one. The political jungle is an unforgiving place and life can be hard if you don't have a warm nest. And both these ladies were in a hurry: one had just lost two elections and needed to reassert her relevance; the other was 66 years old and was in grave danger of being forgotten by the news channels now that she could no longer piggy back on an old seer who had retreated to his distant village.

Ms. Bedi has always wanted to be the dominant leader but fate had denied her the opportunity to become one so far. In the IPS she could not make it to Commissioner of Police, Delhi. In the IAC she could at best be an advisor to Anna Hazare. Post Hazare she did not have the guts( or commitment) to plough the( then) lonely furrow that Kejriwal did and consequently could only glare from the margins as AAP became a force to reckon with. She did not build a nest of her own.

Ms Ilmi probably thought her looks and TV anchor background would keep her the focus of attention within the AAP. To her credit it must be conceded that, unlike Ms. Bedi, she slogged it out on the streets and slums of Delhi both for IAC and AAP and won herself many admirers for her sheer gutsiness. But then she lost two elections. She probably realised one day that, with the Modi juggernaut rolling on relentlessly, it might be a long time before she could enjoy the fruits of her labours. Not prepared to wait any longer, she invented the " lack of democracy in the AAP" chestnut and walked out of the party. But she still needed a nest of her own.

Their embracing the BJP at this crucial juncture is a betrayal of their supporters, and even more sadly, a betrayal of their own credo. How could they have done the chameleon act so blatantly? In May 2013 Ms. Bedi had grandly declared that " Neither (of the two main political parties-i.e Congress and BJP) deserves our vote. ". She had then gone on to attack Mr. Modi personally by predicting: " One day( NM) will have to respond with clarity about riot massacre. " Shazia Ilmi was no less critical. She constantly questioned the BJP's funding process and even waxed poetical on 21st Nov. 2013 when she intoned: " Hypocrisy, thy name is BJP. " No wonder Anna Hazare is not taking their calls!

Their attempts to put a gloss of vindication on their back stabbing of an emerging civil society is pathetic at best and unscrupulous at worst. Sound bytes on TV cannot hide the ugly face of mercenary opportunism that is visible through their charade. They are, we are told, "inspired" by Mr. Modi's leadership and " want to strengthen his hands". Ms. Bedi even did a Galileo like performance when she trilled that Modi was the sun around which stars like her revolved!  These hossannas to the Prime Minister are no doubt music to  BJP ears but there is a discordance in them which needs to be pointed out. 

The Anna Hazare campaign( which spawned the India Against Corruption movement, which brought these ladies to public notice in a big way) was never about performance or leadership or economic policies of governments. It was about corruption, transparency, sensitivity to civil society, communal harmony, accountability of political leaders. It was about cleansing the soul of Indian politics, of restoring to it an inner core of morality and ethics, of keeping at its centre the interests of the common man. Anna Hazare, Kejriwal, Bedi and Ilmi became the darlings of a new aspiring India because they espoused and struggled for these standard of behaviour in politics and governments.

Kejriwal has continued this desperate struggle over the last two years: he has been mocked, derided, slapped; he has committed more than his share of mistakes, he has got derailed at times. But like the needle of a compass he has always returned to his true pole, refused to compromise with entrenched interests and held fast to his dream of an India based on " sattvas " not "tamas ." We expected people like Bedi and Ilmi to keep him company in this struggle but they have stabbed him in the back for a few pieces of silver. Given their backgrounds as genuine social activists what, we are entitled to ask, could have induced them to join a party that has forgotten about the LokPal Bill, that has prevented the RTI Act from being applied to political parties, that will do nothing to stop its cohorts from intimidating the minority communities?

They claim, with a hypocrisy that can escape nobody, that they want to "strengthen Mr. Modi's hands ". Modi doesn't need his hands strengthened, thank you.

Mr. Modi is a strong Prime Minister who will become stronger in the next two years with more MPs in the Rajya Sabha as he wins more states. He is doing a fine job in a materialistic, IMF manner and has provided a much needed push to the economy and infrastructure. What the country needs is not a stronger Prime Minister, but a more accountable Prime Minister ; a Prime Minister who will rein in the venom-spouting dragons of the Sangh outfits; a Prime Minister whose undoubted oratory can assuage and assure, not just excite and animate. We need a Prime Minister who conveys the message of inclusiveness through actions, not just words; a Prime Minster whose government puts the interests of tribals and farmers at least on par with those of  of industrialists and tycoons, a Prime Minister more responsive to civil society and non governmental organisations, not all of whom are anti-national.

The BJP government does not lack for decisiveness, or talent, or will, or ideas. What it lacks is an underpinning of ethical values, an accommodative and inclusive spirit, a sense of the diversity of this country, a genuine willingness to confront the monster of corruption, a feeling for the man on the street. These are precisely the attributes and values that Kejriwal, in his admittedly imperfect and inadequate manner, has been trying to inject into our venal political system. He has faltered at many points, but at least he has not given up the struggle or compromised on his core belief.

Ms. Bedi and Ilmi, on the other hand, have capitulated totally and jumped on to the gravy train. The tragedy is that, had they stood with Kejriwal and AAP on this and fought alongside him, they could have made a real change in the way politics is played out in India. By bringing the AAP to power in Delhi they would have made the BJP and Mr. Modi reconsider their dogmatic positions on many divisive issues and perhaps persuaded them to deliver a more value based government.

That chance is now gone. Ms. Bedi may yet become Chief Minister of Delhi and Ms. Ilmi may perhaps become head of some Board or Corporation. But they have lost their moral legitimacy and distinct stature and are now just two more politicians, two more opportunistic cuckoos looking for nests to jump into. And India is the poorer for it. To tweak those famous lines by an Urdu poet:

Barbade chaman karne ko

Ek hi cuckoo kafi hai,

Har shakh per cuckoo baitha ho

To anjame gulistan kya hoga ?

MR. MODI'S KASHMIR MOMENT: STATESMAN OR POLITICIAN ?

It has been truly said that there occasionally comes a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, can carry them to glory, and if not, can leave them regretting and ruing the missed opportunity. Such a moment has come for Mr. Modi in Kashmir. He now has an opportunity which was inconceivable even one year ago: to form a government representing a unique Hindu-Muslim alliance in a Muslim dominated state which remains an unfinished desiderata of Partition. The implications of this are so enormous for our country, and for both the BJP and  the parties in the Valley, that Mr. Modi MUST rise above the usual opportunism and considerations of vote bank politics, and not dictate an alliance on his conditions. Being the Prime Minister and leader of the ruling party whose credentials are suspect in the Valley, he has to go more than halfway to meet the PDP in forming the government in Kashmir. By doing so he will gain enormously, and the country will gain even more. 

It has long been alleged ( but by no means proven) that post-2002 Gujarat was the laboratory of Hindutva. That may or may not be true, but what cannot be denied is that today Kashmir has the opportunity of becoming the laboratory of genuine secularism, of synthesizing Hindu and Muslim politics, of bridging the divide between India's two dominant communities.

The PDP with its 28 seats and the BJP with 25 seats can form an unassailable government in Kashmir, and should. It would be for the first time that a professed party of the Hindu right would be allying in government with an equally professed Muslim grouping which till now have been sworn enemies. It would be for the first time that a very significant ( and Hindu) part of the state( Jammu) would genuinely feel that it is represented in government.

The implications of such an alliance for the rest of the country would be even more momentous. It would establish convincingly that there can be a common meeting ground between the politics of the two religions, that their relationship need not always be one of distrust and confrontation, and that the imperatives of sincere governance can bridge the divide between them as nothing else can. This can become a model for other states with substantial Muslim populations such as UP, Assam, West Bengal in due course of time and may even lead to the over-lapping of religion-based vote banks, if not their decimation. 

Once the BJP and the PDP start working together it is inevitable that the jagged and extreme positions of both parties would be modulated and tempered to accommodate the other's concerns and a culture of reasonableness and judiciousness( which both currently seem to be short of) would come to prevail. The PDP would have to give up its insistence on dialogue with Pakistan, move closer to the Indian Constitution when it talks of " autonomy ", cease its castigation of the security forces and veneration of terrorists, engage in a constructive dialogue with the Centre on AFSPA, Article 370 and the Uniform Civil Code, pay more than mere lip service for the rehabilitation of the Kashmiri pandits. There would be a corresponding paradigm shift within the ideology of the BJP because it cannot allow the Kashmir experiment to fail either. It would have to respect, and not summarily dismiss as Pakistan inspired, the genuine feelings and reservations of the citizens of the Valley; being part of the civilian power apparatus with the accountability that comes with it, it could no longer treat the Valley as a defacto occupied territory with the military calling the shots; it too would have to engage in a dialogue with the citizens on AFSPA, UCC and Article 370 instead of ramming it down their throats with its brute majority in Parliament; it would have to be more mindful of Kashmiri sentiments while taking decisions in Delhi that effect Kashmiris. 

There would be an international dimension also projected by this coalition. For one, the very ground would shift from under Pakistan's feet- it would no longer be able to spread the canard that the Muslim residents of the state are being suppressed by a Hindu dominated central government: there could not be a more emphatic demonstration of this lie if the two communities are seen to be together in government. Pakistan's support base among the more disaffected elements in Kashmir would inevitably erode over time as the PDP draws more and more of the latter into the mainstream with its demonstrated-and beneficial- partnership with the party that rules in Delhi. The global community and its governments cannot fail to note this change, this paradigm shift in relations between the state and the Centre, and whatever covert support Pakistan enjoys for its Kashmir  policy would also be considerably dessicated, and we would be that much closer to a permanent solution to this vexed legacy.

The most significant impact of this changed chemistry in Kashmir would, however, be on the politics in the rest of India. Having taken this bold step the BJP cannot allow this initiative to fail, for then it would have lost the Muslim community for ever, and would earn the odium of proven intolerance.  Having moderated some of its extreme positions and dogmas in Kashmir, the BJP cannot march to a different music in the rest of the country without losing credibility: it cannot speak with one voice to the Muslims in Kashmir and with another voice to their brethren in the other states. There would inevitably be a softening of the extreme ideology of the BJP and a shift away from its obsession with the minorities. The RSS would have to follow suit or risk its own marginalisation and loss of influence on the government. 

This could be the opportunity Mr. Modi needs, and perhaps has been waiting for, to purge his party of the more rabid and bigoted elements within it who have made it difficult for him to govern meaningfully. Having rid himself of such dinosaurs he could then forge more conducive working relationships with other states and parties, regain the trust of Parliament and apply himself to the job for which he was overwhelmingly voted to power seven months ago.

Kashmir in 2015 can become a watershed in the politics of India and in the relationship between its majority and minority communities. But for this to happen Mr. Modi has to show that he is a statesman and not just a politician.

  

CAN MODI DISMOUNT THE TIGER ?

  The unsavoury developments of the last few weeks bring to my mind a limerick from my school days. It goes like this:

                 There was a young lady from Riga

                 Who went for a ride on a tiger

                 They returned from the ride

                 With the lady inside

                 And a smile on the face of the tiger.

It appears to me that Mr. Modi is very much in that lady's shoes-or saddle, if you will- and it needs no great intelligence to figure out who the tiger is: its stripes are saffron and black.

The RSS and its Hindu majoritarian cohorts have played a role in bringing Modi to power, and they are now playing an even bigger role in alienating him from the very people who have reposed their trust in him by making it difficult for him to do anything positive with that power. Mr. Modi began with promise and unveiled ideas that struck a chord with the people, a chord that had gone slack for the last five years. But the discordant notes of the last couple of months have started alarming a lot of his supporters.

The list of provocative incidents is long: abusive comments by his Ministers targetting a specific community, Mr. Mohan Bhagwat's assertion that India is a Hindu rashtra, repeated directives by the HRD Minister to push education in a vedic direction, forcible conversions, usurpation of Christmas by a thinly disguised attempt to eclipse its importance, the Hindu Mahasabha's veneration of Godse, the utterly despicable statement by another worthy that Godse should have killed Nehru instead of Gandhi, the street agitations against the film PK. The agenda of the extreme right majoritarian forces is crystal clear: intimidate all other religions( notice how the Christians have been targetted for the first time) into submitting to a pan Hindu ecology, and rewrite history to authenticate this expropriation of a nation's history and soul.

The ignominous list above is not surprising-we can expect little else from these bodies and individuals that belong to the Jurassic period. What IS surprising, however, is the complete silence of a Prime Minister who is otherwise a great communicator and orator. Why is there not one word of public condemnation from one who came up with the hugely successful " chai pe charcha " and " man ki baat ?" A five minute statement in the Rajya Sabha could have saved two weeks of Parliament's time, but he did not consider it a good trade-off-- why?

The usual excuses trundled out by his acolytes won't wash anymore. Reported admonitions at a closed door party meeting cannot substitute for a declaration in Parliament. Statements by powerless Ministers in Parliament won't reassure a nation that is increasingly on the edge-the whole world by now knows that this is a one man show and that no one else counts. Moreover, when the ruling party's own affiliates openly indulge in socially divisive activities, it is incumbent for the leader himself to explain to, and reassure, the nation that all is well. Mr. Modi takes ( justifiable) pride in absolute control of his party and government, therefore he has to stand up and speak: he has sown the wind and he shall have to reap the whirlwind.

My initial assumption-and that of a lot of others who had reposed trust in him- was that Mr. Modi was not part of this regressive and disruptive brigade and that he would soon bring them to heel. But it has been eight months now, the vicious crescendo is only rising, and the Prime Minister has not uttered a syllable in public to condemn this rising tide of intolerance. One is left, therefore, with no other option but to conclude that all this has his tacit, if not explicit, approval.. Mr. Modi does  have a pronounced streak of hubris in him but he is also a shrewd politician and would not let his ego stand in the way of his development goals, which are being badly compromised by a resurgent opposition and a steady surge of adverse public opinion. If he has been silent all these months it can only be because he empathizes with these Hindu majoritarian sentiments and has not yet renounced his RSS roots. Therefore, while there is no doubting his vision of a modern, first-world India, it shall have to be an India cast in the image conceived by the RSS and the Vishwa Hindu Parishad. He has not one, but two visions.

Mr. Modi's second vision casts him in the role of a Hindu Samrat-it appears that he wants to efface the last 1200 years of India's history and resurrect the hey days of the Guptas, the Mauryas and the Chauhans and relegate the Mughals, the British, the Nehrus and the Gandhis to that most modern of appliances- the shredder. But history is not just the past, it is also the present and its strands are so interwoven with the fabric of the contemporary India that they cannot be separated without destroying the whole.

We certainly did not vote for this second vision.

Mr. Modi has to comprehend this, he has to realise that this Icarus-like quality in his psyche will carve a hundred Radcliffe Lines across our landscape. It will also destroy his first vision of a modern India. The hardware is important but it will not work without a compatible software, and this is true of nations also. GDP, FDI, Smart cities, NITI Ayog,  Bullet trains,-all these are commendable objectives but they cannot be achieved without social harmony, religious and cultural tolerance, respect for dissent, cooperation with civil society and a functioning Parliament.

Mr. Modi has to realise that a country as vast and disparate as India cannot be ruled by ordinances, and that he has to at least make an honest attempt at bringing about a consensus on divisive issues. Industry-and foreign capital-will not bring in their billions of investment on the basis of ordinances that will lapse in a few months: to the contrary, an ordinance will only fuel their distrust in our political and legal systems. Far from furthering his goals by taking this route Mr. Modi is only erecting more road blocks.

And finally, Mr. Modi has to realise that winning elections is not the "summum bonum" of a democracy, that the hard work of governance is the true test of a statesman, that if he cannot work with Parliament then he cannot work at all. He should not lose sight of the fact that the Parliament where he did not deign to speak also represents those 69% of voters who DID NOT vote for him or his party!

However, Mr. Modi's primary realisation has to be that he can achieve nothing as long as he marches to the tune of the Sangh Parivar. He must realise-how can he not ?-that they are pushing an agenda different from his. He has to either tame them or jettison them. He may have won the elections because of them but he now has to govern in spite of them. This is one tiger Mr. Modi cannot ride. He has to dismount NOW- because already that smile on the tiger's face is beginning to resemble a " tilak". 

THE UBER RAPE CASE- MAKING SENSE OF ABSURDITY

Its happened again in Delhi and probably would have been marked as just another statistic if the incident had not been connected to an MNC and high-end app. technology. The real tragedy, however, is that everyone-the government, the political parties, the media, the NGOs-are all running around like headless chickens, spouting the same cliches about women's safety, demanding action against Uber, the police, the Transport Deptt, the Home Minister and so on. The grim truth is that this is not just about Uber or about the safety of women- this is about the complete collapse of the Delhi( and all other) police systems. Our public places have been vacated by the state and handed over to the criminals.

It is being made to appear that the cause of the incident was the failure of the verification process. This is all humbug and nothing but a red herring. Firstly, how many verifications is an ordinary citizen supposed to carry out? In Delhi we are already required to get our tenants, servants, drivers, casual employee etc. verified. Is this a police state? Isn't this a tacit admission of the total failure of our law enforcement system, if every person is to be regarded with suspicion unless proved otherwise? If latent criminality has seeped into our society to such an extent that no person can be trusted without a police certification, then we are certainly entitled to ask the question- what has our police and judiciary been doing all these years? The very need for verification is an admission of their failure.

Secondly, the verification process is an absolute farce. Pay Rupees two hundred( as Manish Sisodia  also stated in a TV programme yesterday) and you will get the certificate within twelve hours: refuse to pay and you will never hear from the police again. They have no data base and at best can only write to their counterparts in other states who can't be bothered to reply. This does nothing to curb crime in its present form and only serves to generate more money for the police and provide an excuse( as in the present case) when something goes wrong.

Thirdly, any certificate can be replicated or forged by anyone within a few hours. In the instant case Yadav DID have a certificate-a forged one! It is common knowledge in Delhi university, for example, that students of a few neighbouring states seeking admission in a DU college saunter into the colleges, find out what the cut-offs are, and come back the next day with a mark-sheet showing the requisite marks! Fake driving licences by the hundreds are churned out in every city. My last driver had an unauthorised exact duplicate of his ( legitimate) licence: he couldn't, therefore, be bothered if the police confiscated the original! What value can a certificate have in a country where even central ministers are charged with forging mark-sheets?

The order banning Uber is just a smokescreen. The accused, Yadav, had all the documents which the company was required to ask for. If he turned out be a serial rapist who had spent seven months in jail and had five other sexual molestation cases registered against him but was still roaming the streets like a predator its certainly not the fault of Uber. If he repeated the same offence he is alleged to have committed in 2012 then it is the fault of our judiciary which let him off in the first case, and of the police which fails to keep track of such potential repeat offenders. Women are routinely molested in all forms of public transport-shall we then ban all buses, taxis, auto-rickshaws, even the railways? Do we stop all economic activity in this country just because the police and the judiciary are unable to do the job they are tasked to do?

The simple truth, and the crux of the problem, is that the criminal administration system, especially in our cities, has fallen apart at the seams. Our streets and public places have been vacated by the police and handed over to the criminals. The incontrovertible proof lies in the grim statistics of crime in Delhi published by the Hindustan Times on 27th November. In the last one year crime has gone up by 100%! Street crimes such as robbery, snatching and vehicle thefts have increased by 513%, 137% and 61% respectively. Burglary has gone up by 337% and dacoity by 240%. Every single day 400 citizens of Delhi fall prey to some crime or the other. If this is not a damning indictment of the top brass of the Delhi police, the Lieutenant Governor and the Home Ministry I don't know what else it is.

It is self-evident that there has been a complete abdication of leadership by the senior police officers: they are bereft of ideas, strategies or even commitment. Crime on the street is not their priority-providing security to VVIPs and attending meetings is. There are no policemen on the streets, there is no patrolling or beat system, there is no proactivity, PCR vans are generally found parked at tea stalls with their occupants lounging around. This abject lethargy flies in the face of the experience of urban police forces all over the world, and the one lesson they have all learnt: that if you can control the relatively smaller violations on the streets, you can generate an atmosphere of obedience and respect for the law, and prevent more serious and major crimes. This concept is now known as the " Broken Window" concept: catch the guy who breaks a shop window and you may prevent him from graduating to a murderer or rapist tomorrow. This strategy was popularised by Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his Police Commissioner Bill Bratton in New York in the mid-nineties: its soundness was proved by the fact that violent crimes in New York city fell by 30% in just one year, and murders by 50%.

Such a result, however, requires dedicated effort and leg work on the streets, which our police force is clearly incapable of.

Most street crimes( and even more heinous ones) are committed by repeat offenders or people who are out on bail. The police are required to keep a regular surveillance on these elements which by itself acts as a deterrence- but they can't be bothered. Every police station maintains a register ( BC register) of bad characters whose activities are supposed to be monitored  and homes  regularly visited-this never happens nowadays. Every SHO is supposed to develop an intelligence network in his area to keep tabs on criminal activities and the persons involved: this helps him prevent crimes before they occur or to solve them if they do occur- quite obviously, as the crime graph shows, this is considered a waste of time. These are the three time honoured basics of policing and if even one of them had been observed in the Uber case the incident could have been prevented.

We don't need pontifical Police Commission reports or harangues from the Supreme Court on autonomy of Police Commissioners and DGPs to improve policing. We just need to go back to the basics. We need to appoint officers on merit, not on the basis of their contacts, political affiliations, favours rendered or money paid. We need to have a relook at the recruitment of the constabulary, right up to the level of sub-inspectors. The present lot is undisciplined, avaricious, unskilled, corrupt and riddled with the caste and gender prejudices of the social milieu from which they have come. Since they comprise 94% of the police force nothing will improve unless the constitution of this rank and file is changed. The government should seriously consider reserving 50% of these posts for retired ex-servicemen. Jawans retire by 35 and there is no better disciplined or dedicated material available for the police. Their induction shall, in a very short time, bring a professionalism, impartiality and probity to the police that it is completely missing today, and make it much more effective. The idea will, of course, be fiercely resisted by all politicians and senior police officers whose apple carts it is likely to up-end, but it must be considered seriously.

Crimes in a complex society of 1.2 billion people and 29 states cannot be prevented or controlled unless there is a comprehensive and real time data bank available to the enforcers of the law. There should be a national registry of all convicted criminals, persons charged with crimes, accused out on bail: this could be referred to before granting licences or for verification purposes by employers. Had such a registry been available Yadav would have neither obtained a driver's licence nor a contract at Uber. There should be a similar on-line registry or data bank of driving licences issued or cancelled throughout the country to address vehicle related offences which appear to be spiraling  out of control. The govt. itself has admitted that 30% of driving licences are fake! The bed rock of these registries should be the Aadhar card whose biometric features will make the data virtually fool-proof.

The time has come for the country to have a sane discussion on how to get a grip on a crime graph that is galloping out of control and on a police force whose incompetence is reaching Haiti like proportions. Let us not continue to hide behind excuses like social mind sets to explain away rapes, or free registration of FIRs to explain away increase in dacoity or kidnappings. Let us not further delude ourselves into thinking that we have resolved these problems by creating Nirbhaya funds or by banning radio taxis. Because the problem lies within the edifice of government, not outside it. Change the edifice before it comes crashing down on all of us.    

INVITING TROUBLE

   It's Neerja's birthday later this month and I've been thinking of inviting a few people over for dinner and drinks. And that's precisely where the problem lies. Extending invitations nowadays is a risky proposition, what with the entire nation watching including Arnab Goswami, Shobha De, Swami Adithyanath and Manu Singhvi  (when he is not growing termites, that is). Look at what happened when Prime Minister Modi invited Nawab Sharif to his swearing in: half the nation was swearing at him instead for extending this courtesy to our Enemy No. 1. And soon thereafter the Shahi Imam of Jumma Masjid was held by some to have created a constitutional crisis by NOT inviting Mr. Modi to his son's  "dastarbandi"! Finally, last week another furore was engendered by the selective guest list for the Nehru birthday celebrations. Things have come to such a pass that, no matter who you invite, or don't, you are likely to be labelled either a right-wing fundamentalist or a "sickular", a capitalist or a Nehruvian socialist, a war-monger or a spineless pacifist, a status quoist or an anarchist, and worse.

I have difficult choices to make, as you can see. I can't invite Mr. Modi for a number of reasons, the main among them being that I belong neither to the Gujarat cadre, nor to the Vivekananda Foundation nor to the RSS or to the NRI community. Furthermore he may consider the invite as a ploy to wrangle a post-retirement sinecure (he may not be wrong in this but that is not the point). The point is that he is likely to refuse, and what would my wife think of me then? -that is, if she thinks of me at all.

I could invite Mr. Rahul Gandhi, I suppose, but he is an impulsive person and he might just tear up the card and throw it into the nearest dustbin where that old ordinance is probably still lying. Or he may regard my usually vacant looks as indicating that I belong to an OBC (Other Backward Classes) family  (he HAS made mistakes before, you will concede) and decide to spend the night at my place and have only dal and chapattis for dinner. That would be very inconvenient.

Another possibility is to invite Mr. Robert Vadra, but approaching him with an invitation is a bit of a risk. He is likely to scream: "Are you serious? Are you serious?" four times and knock me down (once is enough in this case) with his sixteen inch biceps. Or he may like the look of my house and decide to buy it. On the other hand, if I DON'T invite him I'll never get that DLF flat in Gurgaon that I have my eyes on.

You see my dilemma? Issuing invitations is serious business these days. But it was not always so and there have been a few memorable moments  in my career worth sharing.

  In the early eighties I was posted as a Deputy Secretary at Shimla, still wet  behind the years and laboriously climbing the learning curve. One day I received an invitation from the Governor for an "At Home" in the Raj Bhavan the next evening. This clashed with my squash game and, since the most potent drink served at the Raj Bhavan was tomato juice laced with Chyawanprash, I decided to skip it. The day after I was summoned by the Chief Secretary (CS) and given a proper dressing down with an implied threat of being posted to Spiti as the Officer on Special Duty (Potatoes, Peas and Ponies).

" Let me explain the rules to you, young man," roared the CS. "You never disregard an invitation from either the Governor or the Chief Minister. An invitation from them is not an invitation-its an Order! Have you got that?"

" Yes sir", I mumbled, but wanting to get things right the first time, I further ventured: "But what about an invitation from you to me sir-what would that be?"

" That, Shukla," he yelled," would be an act of folly! Now take that junior-scale arse of yours out of my office!"

Today, even though that "arse" has now retired in the apex scale, I take invitations more seriously.

   Well intended invitations can sometimes have unintended consequences. I was still at Shimla when Mr. IK Gujral became the Prime Minister and arrived at Shimla with his family for a holiday. I had worked with him earlier when he was the External Affairs Minister and could also claim a tenuous  relationship with him. Armed with these credentials, I called upon him at the Retreat and invited him and his family for lunch to my home: the gracious and warm person that he always was, he immediately accepted. The local administration and Special Protection Group (SPG) were duly informed of this for making the security arrangements required by a Prime Ministerial visit.

All hell broke loose thereafter.

The next morning the SPG arrived at my house even before the bed-tea, in the form of three burly officers in track suits. They rousted me from my warm bed and poked into all the nooks and crannies where assassins could hide or bombs be planted. Since it was a house that was a hundred years old there were numerous such places so the dogs were called in. Three fat Labradors were summoned who promptly started romping in the garden with my Golden Retriever: they didn't find any bombs but they destroyed all my flower beds and were sent away in disgrace. The SPG then turned its attention to my neighbours, all very senior IAS officers who could make or break (more likely) my career. Disappointed at not having been able to implicate me in a plot against the PM, they poured their professional training and expertise on these folks. They were all ordered to close their windows and doors and stay inside till the PM left my house: it was hinted, not too politely, that any head that poked out would be blown away. Hell hath no fury like an IAS officer being ordered about by an IPS officer and it was a long time before I was forgiven by my colleagues for this " humiliation".

One fat policemen was stationed INSIDE the tiny kitchen where Neerja (my wife, folks) was cooking the lunch for Mr. Gujral and family.  He would not move out in spite of all our entreaties: his job, he stated, was to  ensure that no poison was put into the food being cooked for the PM. The situation was getting desperate: Neerja wanted him out and had that NIKE look on her face (JUST DO IT!), and the cop wouldn't budge. Taking advantage of a break when she had left the kitchen I pleaded with the copper: "Listen, just take a look at what my wife has cooked. Don't you think that if Mr. Gujral can survive this kind of food, he can survive any poison?" Surveying the smorgasbord of burnt and oily stuff on display, the constable gave the knowing smile only a husband can, nodded as if in agreement and left. I am glad to report that Mr. Gujral survived the lunch and I went up a couple of notches in Neerja's estimation. Another reason why I just can't invite Mr. Modi. Any marriage can take only so many shocks, and no more.

                                                 

   And now its time to let you all in on a well kept secret. Have you ever wondered how, whenever one invites people over for a wedding , engagement or the birth of a child, the first to land up are the  "hijras" or eunuchs? They WILL NOT LEAVE until you fork out a considerable sum of money to them-and their demands keep pace with the rate of inflation. The going rate in South Delhi is anywhere between Rupees fifty thousand to one lakh! This is their secret: they have informers in all the printing presses (where the cards are printed) and the hospitals/ nursing homes(where the deliveries occur) and so know immediately where to go and do their song, dance and swearing routine. These days I am sure they also have Google maps. The way to beat them is to issue your invitations on-line. Not only will it save you a lot of money, it is also environmentally sustainable as it cuts down on the need for paper. Of course, this stratagem will endure only till some nerd from IIT develops an app to track all on-line invitations. But hopefully by then people will stop marrying in favour of live-in arrangements, and couples will prefer to freeze their eggs for posterity instead of having kids.

                                               

Postscript: I've decided to take Neerja to Murthal on her birthday. Not only are the parathas there to die for, but hopefully there will be no Prime Ministers, SPG, Labradors or Hijras there. 

  

IS IT TIME TO DO A RETHINK ON MR. MODI AND THE BJP ?

Long before words such as " populism" and " majoritarianism" started dominating public discourse Mark Twain had written: " Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." Today, after what happened in the Maharashtra Assembly yesterday, I am inclined to follow his advice seriously.

In July 2013 when Mr. Modi was still the rank outsider in the electoral sweepstakes and was being reviled by the press and the intellectualatti I had written a piece in these columns- WHY I SHALL SUPPORT MODI IN 2014- laying out the reasons why the country needed him as Prime Minister. Today, he is not only the Prime Minister but also the flavour of the season, sweeping state after state, adulated by frenzied crowds, and fawned upon by the same people who had earlier cosied up to the Gandhis and the Chidambarams. It appears he can do no wrong. And, mindful of Mark Twain's words, I am worried and inclined to do some deep reflection.

I have not changed my opinion that Mr. Modi is what India needs to pull us out of the morass of the last ten years. He has the vision, energy, commitment and resolution to extract the country out of the quagmire of corruption. cronyism, indecisiveness, breakdown of systems and values that we had become entrapped in. But I still worry.

There are indications-straws in the wind as yet, but they tell us which way the wind is blowing- that Mr. Modi is becoming too powerful and uncaring of the few sane voices stifled in the roar of the hosannas. Consider some of these straws:

Far too many senior appointments to government are being made of persons associated with the Vivekananda Foundation, a right wing forum with links to the RSS. I will not name them because those who follow public affairs seriously know who they are.

An obscurantist historian trapped in the vedic age, who is unknown even to students of history, is made head of ICHR ( Indian Council of Historical Research) inspite of across the board protests by his peers.

A man whose life mission is to burn books and propagate a version of history that mocks all scientific progress, Mr. Dinanath Batra, is made Advisor to the Education Department of Haryana and his books prescribed as text in 35000 schools in Gujarat,

An avowed Hindu hard liner who had advised opponents of Mr. Modi ( read Muslim) to go to Pakistan and in whose house ten million rupees of unexplained cash was found is made a Minister in the Centre.

Delhi is denied an elected government for ten months and the local BJP cadre given a free hand to purchase MLAs; it is only when the Supreme Court steps in that a thoroughly compromised Lieutenant Governor orders re-elections.

Unexplained communal riots break out in Trilokpuri, Bawana, Babarpur and Okhla-all sensitive areas of Delhi- when it becomes clear that elections are inevitable. The signature on them is obvious. No action is taken against party loyalists who spew poison against minority communities or saffron clad hooligans who attack couples for holding hands or dining together in restaurants.

Hindu supremacy is being reasserted against Pakistan through the doctrine of " disproportionate response" which now appears to have replaced the Gujral doctrine of peaceful engagement with neighbours. Yes, Pakistan had to be taught a lesson for its continual violations of the cease-fire and the ten thousand shells fired by the BSF have effectively conveyed this message. The Pakistan army has learnt its lesson. Shouldn't the victor now be gracious and take the first step towards restoring normalcy again? Or is this about Hindu supremacy over Muslims again: if so, what message does this convey to the 200 million Muslims in India?

And finally Maharashtra. The vote of confidence in its Assembly yesterday has shamed the nation and set a new benchmark for chicanery and electoral fraud. For the first time in the history of this democracy, we are told, a minority government has established its " legitimacy" by a voice vote and not by a proper process based on Division. This, after committing an even bigger fraud on the voter who elected it- viz. by allying with the party( NCP) against whose corrupt govt. it had asked for the votes!

These instances make me reflect and suggest to me that the BJP and Mr. Modi are perhaps becoming too imperious and over-bearing with the power they are rapidly acquiring. The issue of concern is not that of a mere appointment or two or of a riot here or there. It is of a trend that appears to be emerging- of a sustained domination of one community, of ramming down the throats of a nation a flawed concept of Hindu values and history, of Mr. Modi himself donning his personal cloak of integrity and high morals while allowing his party to shred ethics and morality to bits( how does that make him any different from Mr. Manmohan Singh then, you may well ask), of playing Russian roulette with two unstable neighbours( don't forget Afghanistan). Its an ill wind that blows no good and the BJP is fanning it.

We need Mr. Modi, if not the BJP. We need his initiatives in liberalising the economy and manufacturing, in foreign relations, in financial inclusion, in strengthening our defence forces, in rebuilding our failing infrastructure. What we don't need is a return to the vedic ages, to attempts to re-write history, to packing the higher bureaucracy with persons of a particular ideology, to an unleashing of the dogs of war, to criminal and mercenary politics, to handing over the streets to dogmatist and sectarian bigots.

What we need most of all is a Mr. Modi who is responsive to public opinion, even though it may be that of a minority, a Mr. Modi who respects a contrary point of view, a Mr. Modi who does not consider the press his eternal foe, to be treated with accumulated contempt as a form of vengeance for years of baiting. So far he has not displayed these qualities- he talks, but he does not converse, or respond or answer, and this is not healthy for any democracy.

The crux of the problem is that Mr. Modi has no opposition worth the name, and consequently the hubris is building up in his system and, like the hero in a Greek tragedy, he is moving towards his denouement. But this is far more serious than a Greek tragedy, for when( in a metaphorical sense) he falls he will not fall alone but will take the entire nation with him. Mr. Modi is here to stay and the only force which can persuade him to do a course correction is a strong opposition. The entire universe survives on a balance of forces: every yang needs a ying, a thesis an anti-thesis, a point a counter-point. This critical balance is even more crucial for nations and somehow our present political dispensation must find this.

We need Mr. Modi but we also need a strong opposition in Parliament and other parties in power in some critical states. I hope voters of Delhi will bear this in mind in the days to come. This of course is free advice, but as Oscar Wilde said: " The best thing to do with free advice is to pass it on!"

UNEARTHING BLACK MONEY-- THE HINDU WAY !

   So we have come full circle again- the list of holders of foreign accounts which had been lying with the  government for three years and was given to the SIT four months ago has now been submitted to the Supreme Court and has been passed on to the SIT again yesterday. Hallelujah! The Chairman of the SIT has announced that their investigation into all the 700 accounts shall be completed by March 2015. Amen! Whether they will find even a cent in these accounts, now that their holders have had three years to move the moneys to anyone of 193 countries, is the next big thing to be debated on prime time television.

   Actually, lets admit it. Indians love black money and treat with renewed respect and a sneaking admiration anyone raided by the Income Tax Department. We welcome, nay invite, Laxmi into our houses but prefer that she comes with hard cash rather than with a bank transfer or a draft. To fully understand this phenomenon, and the govt's convoluted strategy in the present case, we need to understand the Hindu view of wealth.

   Nirad C Choudhury, that iconoclast of everything Indian, explains in his book " Passage to England". Hindus, he says, are devoted to wealth and to the hoarding of it because of their belief in reincarnation or rebirth. The devout Hindu reasons that since he will be coming back to this mortal coil at some future date, he may as well hoard his wealth to ensure a good life in his second innings. Nirad Babu is aware of the flaw in this argument- how can the person be sure that he will come back to the same family where the wealth has been hoarded? He answers this by contending that if all, or most, Hindus do the same thing, then statistically there are good chances of the new soul landing in a family with amassed wealth! To put it bluntly then, the Hindu is genetically and spiritually primed to hoard his moneys- black money, therefore, is something to aspire for and to respect.

   Enter the government with its farcical attempts to recover this stockpile. To comprehend its PC Sorcar kind of moves we must first understand another facet of Hinduism- its rituals. Hinduism is all about ritualism, not substance. We can commit all manner of wrong doing-kill, cheat, beat, destroy, molest- provided we observe the right rituals: wash our sins in the Ganga, organise weekly havans, shave our hair, sing kirtans, feed portly Brahmins and so on. We garland the cow with many incantations and then let it starve to death on the streets. We feed widows in temples and then throw them out of our own houses. You get it? The ritual is everything.We are in no way interested in doing the right thing, we merely want that we should not be punished for doing the wrong thing.

    This is precisely the kind of ritualism the central government( and dare we say, the Supreme Court?) is indulging in in the matter of the Black Money. It signs treaties, obtains lists from foreign banks, sets up SITs, makes announcements about getting back the lucre in 100 days, promises investigations-and allows business to go on as usual. The business, of course, being the continued generation of black money in the country.

   Forget the foreign accounts: there won't be a farthing left in them by the time our sleuths get there. One report states that Rupees 14000 crore has already been moved out of Switzerland in the two years ending 2012. The obvious solution is staring the government in the face but it won't even look at it: take immediate steps to stop the generation of black money within the country itself. Just three measures will ensure that 90% of the tap can be turned off.

   First, tackle the real estate and property sector, the main generator of illegal and untaxed wealth. The devil here lies in the difference between the price actually paid for a transaction and the price at which it is registered, which is between half and one-third of the former: the difference is the black money. Today, anywhere in India, an all-white money sale is unheard of: if some idiot wants only white money for his property he will have to settle for a price far lower than its market value. All state governments have performed the mandatory ritual to counter this problem: they have fixed circle rates below which a property cannot be registered. The problem is, these rates are so far below the market rate they have no effect at all. In Greater Kailash of South Delhi the real rate is about Rs. 5-6 lakhs per square yard but the circle rate is about Rs. 2 lakhs. In the village where I betook myself after retiring to lick my wounds( above Shimla) the circle rate at Rs. 35 lakhs per bigha is only half of the actual market rate. It is inconceivable that the governments are not aware of this, what with their armies of Registrars,Tehsildars, Patwaris and what not, all with their hands on the pulse( if not the pocket) of our citizenry. Simply by doubling the existing circle rates the government would instantly knock off the major chunk of black money from the economy: in the process it would also realise thousands of crores of additional revenue as stamp duty every year and real estate prices would come down to sane levels as the speculators with their illegal money would be driven out of the market. A win-win situation, you would say? Well yes.....except that our politicians only want to win-win elections, and for that they need the difference between the two rates to continue. As Adam exclaimed after having a long, hard look at the uncovered Eve: " Viva le difference!"

   Second: why make a joke of our Income Tax mechanism? Only 4% of our population file income tax returns, and only 1% actually pay income tax! Can you believe that there are only 40000 people who have declared an annual income of Rs.one crore( and above) as per the IT Department's own figures? In a country where thousands of luxury cars are sold every year, where gold imports crossed the figure of US $3.5 billion last month, where a flat in South Delhi sells for Rs. 15 crore, where one peg of premium single malt at the Habitat is priced at Rs. 7500/, where the Presidential suite in a Jaipur hotel at US $ 45000/ for one night is the second costliest in the world? Why, I could point out 40000 of the one crore plus types within a ten minute walking radius of my mother-in-law's house in GK-I! And this is when one can barely walk in GK-I what with all the Audis, Mercs, BMWs and Rolls parked on the roads there!

   Furthermore, I am fairly confident that most of the people in that hallowed neighbourhood pay less tax than I do on my pension. Their salaries would be negligible and every single expenditure they incur, down to the toilet paper in their eleven bathrooms, is booked to either their company or their business- drivers, servants, electricity bills, fuel, parties, travel, holidays, even their pet dogs who are probably covered under Security Expenses. ( OK, there may be some exaggeration here but not much, I assure you). Not only does the government lose on Income Tax, it is also fiddled of its Corporate Tax.

  The other great escape route deliberately provided is the exemption from Income Tax for agriculture. There is no rational basis for this and therefore its justification does not even merit a discussion. This exemption may appear obtuse and stupid but actually its quite clever, from a crooked perspective: it enables politicians and bureaucrats to launder their ill gotten wealth by showing it as agricultural income even if the land they own is as barren as the Gobi desert. I can bet my next DA instalment that there is no major politician in this country who does not " own" agricultural land. It is not for nothing that Ms. Jayalalitha bought 2000 acres of land-such a huge area can launder far more than what she is accused of amassing, and I have a feeling that she may yet avoid the VIP cell on the strength of this acreage!

  You can be sure the government performs its rituals in this matter also. It sends notices to you and me for not declaring the Rs. 2373/ received as interest on our Savings Accounts, and fines us for filing our returns two months late. It conducts raids with much fanfare and nets the plankton and shrimps but allows the sharks to get away. But it will do nothing to broaden the tax base or to suck the undeclared income out of the parallel economy. It will not mount surveillance on some HNI individuals to match their life-styles with their declared incomes. It has PAN, TAN and what not but cannot or will not track purchases to any effect. Nothing else can explain the deplorable tax base of a country whose GDP is estimated at almost a trillion US dollars.

  And finally, that other great repository of black money- our political parties. The disclosed accounts( and these accounts are about as transparent as the sludge in your sewer line)reveal that both the Congress and the BJP have collected funds in excess of Rs. 2000 crore each and BSP is not far behind. We have no idea where this money came from, and we will continue to remain blissfully ignorant because ALL parties have ensured that the RTI Act will not be made applicable to them. They have refused to comply with the order of the Election Commission to provide information to querists. The Commission itself, clearly surprised by its own temerity in passing such an order, has retreated into its protective carapace, trying to figure out which way the wind is blowing before even attempting to enforce its order. And so tens of thousands of crores of black money continue to be spent on elections. The ritual? Oh yes, the EC fixes modest limits on expenditure by candidates, appoints Observers, audits expenditure statements, issues notices and warnings and is interviewed by Rajdeep Sardesai and Rahul Shivshankar.

    We don't need treaties or SITs to flush out the black money in this country. We simply need to go beyond rituals, to the one real religion that this country so badly needs- good governance.