AI HAS ARRIVED. WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING ON LIVING ?

 At nearly 75 years, I have for long endorsed Bob Hope's dictum: I'm not afraid of dying but I don't want to be around when it happens. But of late I am more inclined to go with "Death, where is thy sting?" by the Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians of the New Testament. The simple reason is that I can no longer cope with the tectonic changes taking place in a world where AI means Artificial Intelligence and not the more familiar Artificial Insemination people of my generation were used to. I've always been scientifically challenged: in school I thought a light year was one when you didn't get any home work for the vacations, and even as a grown-up I am convinced that the reason I can't get out of bed in the morning is because of Newton's First Law: a body at rest will continue to be at rest unless acted upon by an external force. That external force is Neerja, which only proves my point (and Newton's). I guess what I'm trying to convey is that I lack the knowledge to make any sense of technological "progress".

 For example, I cannot figure out what has happened to my email- I no longer receive mails from ladies. I discovered this yesterday: someone, or something, has installed malware in my laptop which automatically filters out all mails sent by females. It could be Neerja, or it could be Trump with his misogynistic brain, but the point is: what the hell am I supposed to do? And what's next- will they also filter mails from homosexuals, lesbians (sorry, they're already out), my editors, anti-bhakts, Mani Shankar Aiyer and Kunal Kamra? If so, then what's the point of going on living?

I can't wrap my head around this Artificial Intelligence and robotic thingy either; compared to Trumpian and "andh-bhakt" intelligence it's a god given gift and we should be welcoming it. But I believe it's wiping out millions of jobs, and that the time is not far off when we will be to robots what dogs are to us- loyal but totally confused. The optimists tell us that AI will delete jobs but will create new ones, but the problem is no one can tell which jobs it will create. Bill Gates recently said in an interview that only three types of jobs will remain- energy sector related, biological sciences and coding for AI itself. For us non-techie types, most of whom swarm the IAS, the only remaining jobs will be that of horse whisperers, dog walkers, tarot card readers and vastu planners. There will be no re-employment after retirement, either. As for robots, we already have plenty of them in the Election Commission, Sena Bhavan, University administrations, Censor Board, Information Commissions, CAG's office and so on. Do we really need more of them ? Actually, perhaps we do- even a half-wit is better than a nit-wit.

Of course, Gates missed out on one job that will survive against all odds- politicians. They are a mutant sub-species of homo sapiens known as homo crapiens. Unlike the former, they did not emerge from Africa but from the cesspools that were the inevitable result of apes descending from the trees and living in groups. They evolved slowly over the last five thousand years or so, gradually losing their VMPFC (ventromedial prefrontal cortex) which enables us to have a conscience and moral sense of right and wrong. This is precisely what the AI robots also lack, consequently there is no difference between homo crapiens and AI. Which is why AI will never replace politicians. Mr. Gates might like to make a note of this.

And things are soon going to get whackier. In a few years we shall be able to opt for designer babies with Einstein's beauty and Kangana Ranaut's brains, who will probably be home delivered by Blinkit; women will be eternally safe because their nether garments shall henceforth be password protected or have facial recognition features embedded in them with their own OTP (Only This Person) giving the acronym an entirely novel meaning; the uber wealthy will never die-they will inject themselves with thousands of nano robots which will repair their cells as they break down in real time; a new species of homo sapiens will emerge- cybernetic nerds- which will be a blend of human bodies, potato wafers and AI chips (Donald Trump may be a prototype); astrologers will go extinct because Chat GPT will now predict your future, not a difficult job because said future will be the same for just about everybody except the multi billionaires- nobody will have a job,  no one will be married because the female bots will be far more attractive than the female of our species, no one will die of old age, everyone shall die of boredom and ennui because there will be nothing for them to do except to listen to Mann Ki Baat. And one cannot even begin to imagine what the geniuses in Jamtara will do with AI once they are free from hacking the voters' lists in Bihar (probably join the Election Commission as consultants for the rolled out SIR!).

Time for me to walk into that glorious sunset, folks, even if it's AI generated.