This has been a particularly bad year for Himachal and its embattled Chief Minister, Mr. Sukhu. He has certainly grabbed the TRPs but they are of the negative, Arnab Goswami and Navika Kumar type. Actually, the year began well, in pure eye-ball terms, with our own raging torrent, Kangana Ranaut, occupying the headlines with her sensational win in the Mandi Parliamentary seat. But the torrent soon became a rafting rapids which the BJP kayaks and jan-nayaks found impossible to navigate; she was told to shut up and the snowy peaks of the state have since been deprived of her yodelling rendition of history and politics, more's the pity.
This TRP vacuum was quickly filled, however, with what has now come to be known as the Samosa Kand, not to be confused with Mr. Amit Shah's earlier Pakora theory. It appears that the Chief Minister was presiding over an official function at the Police HQ, and some samosas (at Rs.150 per piece!) were ordered for his refreshment, but they were mistakenly delivered to his security staff: the CM didn't even get a whiff of them. An inquiry was ordered into this "anti-government" activity and some cops even suspended. The mountains are still reverberating with the peals of laughter this episode engendered, quite unfairly, in my view. Because this was a matter of serious portent. For one, the price of the samosa goes a long way to explain why the state has gone belly-up, financially. Ex Finance Secretaries who, in their times were allowed only two Parle-G biscuits, fumed that at the very least an open tender should have been placed in at least ten newspapers for the said delicacies, never mind if that cost five times what the samosa did; rules, after all, are rules! Secondly, and even more seriously, this was a security lapse- if today the CM's samosas can find their way to some hungry cops, tomorrow it may be secret files intended for "his eyes only" or even party funds for "your pockets only". How long, one may ask, can democracy survive if such things are allowed to happen?
Barely had the fragrance of the samosas dispersed when another stench enveloped the state- a Toilet Tax- confirming that the Chief Minister's advisors had really gone potty, as it were. A tax was imposed on every toilet seat, in order to flush out some more revenue from the sewer lines. As could be expected, there was an immediate uproar, with citizens pointing to the inequity of life: Mrs. Sitharaman's GST taxed everything that went in and now Mr. Sukhu was taxing everything that went out; legal experts opined that this was double taxation and therefore illegal. The government, I learn, is reconsidering the matter, but in the interim no one is holding his or her breath or, for that matter, anything else. After all, when you gotta go you gotta go.
The state had not yet plumbed the bottom, however (to continue with the toilet imagery). News emerged in September that Himachal had gone practically bankrupt when salaries and pensions were not disbursed on schedule. With an annual budget of Rs. 56000 crore and a population of only 7 million, you'd expect that the state was rolling in the gravy. After all, this translates to Rs. 80000 per Himachali, man, female and transgender-enough, surely, to keep them warm in winter and drunk throughout the year? But never put anything beyond a politician's skills-within two years the state has gone bankrupt, what with unnecessary expenditure on four lane highways, ambitious airports, a platoon of Advisors and superannuated deadwood, free (or subsidised) water, electricity, bus rides, an MSP for cow dung, and what have you. So now the state's debt has crossed Rs. 80000 crore, and there's only one solution to this crisis, in my view.
Hand it over to Mr. Adani (who is already there, making a killing out of buying apples cheaply and selling them at the price of your family jewels). The state should be declared bankrupt and brought before the NCLT under the Bankruptcy Code, with some Adani acolyte like Mahesh Jethmalani or Madhavi Buch appointed as Resolution Professional. Mr. Adani could then buy the state (when he is released on bail by the USA, that is) at the going rate of 10% of the outstanding debt, or about Rs. 8000 crore. It would be a (Monal) feather in his cap. He owns everything except a state government (de jure, I mean, not just de facto); as CEO of a state government he would acquire sovereign immunity from the charges in the USA and could cock a snook at the FBI and its Justice Department. He will, of course, have to contest elections in due course but that is easily taken care of- when the CEC, Rajeev Kumar's tenure expires in the Election Commission, Mr. Adani could reemploy him as CFO (Chief Fiddling Officer): his vast experience in such matters would ensure that Mr. Adani would win by twice the number of votes cast.
So what does this say about the Chief Minister's myriad Advisors? That is best answered by a joke which was related to me by an attractive World Bank Advisor many years ago at a dinner in Washington DC: An architect, an engineer and a UN advisor (so the joke goes) were having a drink in a bar, discussing which profession should get the credit for creating the Universe. The architect insisted that it was architects who conceived the plan, positioned the planets, stars and suns in a composite whole to ensure that they rotated around each other: they in effect brought order into the primordial Chaos. The engineer disagreed, saying that the basic structure, gravity and atmospheres of the planets were designed by engineers, which made life possible in some of them; it was engineers who gave life and meaning to this Chaos. Throughout the heated arguments, the UN advisor sat quietly, legs crossed and with a bemused smile on her lips. Finally, the other two asked her what the contribution of Advisors was. She uncrossed her legs, leaned forward slightly, and replied softly : "Who do you think created the Chaos?"
That, dear friends, may go a long way to explain why Himachal refuses to go out of the news these days, and why Mr. Sukhu could do with fewer advisors.
( As sent to me by a colleague) Good morning Avay. A sad if also comical commentary on HP ... a state I love if only for what I remember of it. The people (not counting your favorite Kangana) are generally gentle and warm ... the weather used to be sublime and the cleanliness legendary. They've all been compromised from what I saw on my last visit in 2022. It's tragic that a small sate has pushed itself into debt trying to become a giant metropolis which offers little benefit to locals and is created to serve cretins who visit the state to defile it. I hated the loud visitors clogging the Mall in Simla ... the awful constructions along the hillsides in Solan etc etc. I have familial connections with the state and frankly I'm not inspired to venture beyond the Punjab into what HO has become today for the large part. True, there are high pockets like Jubbal that retain some semblance of the old order but given human weakness I suspect soon enough that will also be spoiled in time. Can we not leave nature alone? 😫 ... I guess you're right ... hand it over to Adani ... at least someone will benefit from the rape of the hills.
ReplyDeleteDEEPAK MUKARJI
Great to see you at your wacky best Avay.
ReplyDeleteMay you grow more funny bones each year on your Birthday!
The Toilet Tax, while strikingly ludicrous at first take, is just what the economist advocated, on closer examination.
ReplyDeleteIt is known that vast numbers of government servants, bureaucrats and others cut from similar cloth, toil for 3.5 decades to build their coveted retirement homes in Himachal, for Kashmir is paradise lost. These abodes come with multiple toilets, not just to aid the excretions but in somes cases serve as a foxhole for the accretions of 35 years, accumulated from the sullying of their soul, not from the sweat of their brow. It is only fair then that they render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s - or in this case, unto Sukhu. His Toilet Tax therefore, is not so outrageous as to shut the bowels and clog the bidets once the intent is grasped. To be fair to him, he is left by himself to meet the state salary bill and pension commitment, which probably amounts for the bulk of his expenses and breaks his vaults. Additionally, the environmentalists, human rights activists, anti-pollution experts - all retirees with picturesque cottages dotting the sylvan Himachal slopes - push him back from engaging in any activity that generates income besides selling apples. These bungalow masters, many who draw their pensions from Sukhu, should upon reflection unconstipate forthwith to release their Toilet Tax. With the same vim they derive when their bowels are cheerful. And the cache safe from prying eyes.
My, My, that's a lot of acrimony and venom for one post, Mr Patankar! Most of it unsubstantiated and highly generalised. But I guess you are entitled to your views and to pour bile on bureaucrats to your heart's content. Where you do go overboard, however, is in your excessively harsh condemnation of all environmentalists and human rights activists: one would have expected a person of your erudition and exposure to have appreciated their efforts. They fight a losing battle everyday with unresponsive governments, unconcerned citizens and rapacious commercial interests, and on behalf of all of us. Very few of them have "picturesque cottages", in your unhappy phrasing. I don't know when you last visited Himachal, but maybe you should visit it again to see the damage done to the environment in the last two decades. I've lived here for fifty years, and I can see the deterioration every day. By reviling them in such a harsh manner you do great disservice to them and turn a blind and uncaring eye to reality.
ReplyDelete# according to the himachal pradesh government information, in 1950 the state had 400 hectares of apple orchards, by 2023 this expanded to 1,15,680 hectares. 70 percent of the state's population is engaged in agriculture, with apples constituting 80 percent of the state's horticultural output. given its importance avaybhai could not be unaware that there would be a minister for horticulture, with a department of horticulture, headed by a secretary, principal secretary to the government of himachal, and a director functioning as chief executive for horticulture. there should also be a department for cooperatives to promote marketing facilities to the members to sell their produce at remunerative prices, extend meaningful credit facilities. whether the horticulture department is led by by generalists grounded in english literature, sociology, psychology and similar subjects popular owing to the quality of bazaar notes that ensure success in competitive selection examinations, or whether it is led by professionals with sectoral expertise necessary to create value. given the high probability of generalists dedicated to musical chairs, or playing leap-frog [a much favoured parlour game], whether lateral entry bringing in skilled professionals on performance based contracts with assured non interference from generalists on the lines of the famously successful anand milk union limited is also the himachal horticulture model. state governments as well as union government departments have over the years recruited into the higher grades of the administration large numbers of vocationally trained graduates from the agricultural sciences. the driver for this has been the availability of dramatically subsidised accommodation, meals on the campus of the premier institute for agricultural research at pusa in dehli. all that is required is to enrol in one of its degree programs, and these students can now gainfully spend their time attending dehli’s much celebrated teaching shops that ensure success in the governments highest clerical grade examinations. those not successful in the first two, three attempts progress to registering for doctoral studies and as a result there are ph.d in agricultural sciences working as government accountants, auditors, police administrators, post office administrators. just desserts, as the majority never had any interest in agriculture but came into the discipline after having failed to win a place in a medical college to train as physicians, having corralled themselves into the biology stream while at secondary school.
ReplyDeletethe success of adani agri-pic and similar corporate entities will depend on the incompetence of those playing king of the castle, shoving off any perceived interlopers, and defending their turf. airports, airlines have been handed over to professional managers employed by corporate entities with great success. adani, ambani, tata, birla, mahindra, etc are quick to spot entrepreneurial opportunity and thrive, in no small measure owing to our generalists and their parlour games, viz. king of the castle, leap frog, musical chairs.