IT'S THE RULES, STUPID !

   I have for some time been convinced that Moses (of Old Testament fame ) was THE original bureaucrat. The anecdotal evidence is pretty convincing. He offered to his peoples the Promised Land, and then made them wander around in the desert for forty years. If this is not the classic bureaucratic run-around then what is ? There's more. He was adept at beating around the bush, till one of them caught fire and he called it an Act of God. He was wont to deliver sermons from raised platforms, which no one understood. But here's the clinching one- he framed the first set of conduct rules, which subsequently came to be known as the Ten Commandments. And a fine set of rules they are too, except perhaps for that one about not coveting thy neighbour's wife, which contradicts a subsequent sub-rule which exhorts one to love thy neighbour, and we all know that the later rule supersedes the earlier one. There's also a slight problem with the one that says thou shalt not kill, considering that the Israelis are doing precisely that to the Palestinians at almost the exact spot near Mount Sinaii where he announced his Conduct Rules. But we can hardly blame the Old Bureaucrat with events occurring after his superannuation, can we ?

   The same latitude cannot, however, be allowed to his successors- no, not the state of Israel, but the Indian Administrative Service (IAS). Now, an IAS officer is at his best when he is drafting all manner of rules- if they are incomprehensible he is happy, and if they are unimplementable then he is overjoyed to an almost orgasmic level. I'd like to share a few I've had the mixed fortune to encounter in my patchy career.

   Have you ever wondered why civil servants, especially the more senior ones, are so short- sighted ? It's the rules, stupid ! In the early eighties I was posted as a Joint Secretary in the Finance Department in Shimla. Part of my onerous duties involved the approval of claims for medical reimbursement by all types of government employees. In those days contact lenses were deemed to be a cosmetic procedure and not a medical one, the expenses were not reimburseable, even if you could not see beyond your nose without them (probably on the premise that the less you saw, the safer you were). One day I received a claim from a High Court judge who had had contact lenses fixed, perhaps to better see his litigants, in the manner of the wolf in the fable of Red Riding Hood. I promptly rejected the claim and took the file to the FS (Finance Secretary), expecting a pat on the back if not the Vishist Sewa Medal. The FS looked at me with a cunning grin and said: "Approve it!" I was aghast, just as Moses must have been when he saw the Israelis worshipping the golden calf. "But the rules, sir..." I squeaked. And then the FS explained:

   "Avay," he told me patiently, "you must understand the hierarchy of rules. The most important rule in government is the rule of precedents. A precedent, once set, is sacrosanct, notwithstanding all other rules. Once you allow something to one person you cannot deny it to others. Generations of judges and lawyers have been able to put bread on their tables because of this rule. So let My Lord have his bloody contact lenses. And hereinafter all of us can also have contact lenses too." And that's how contact lenses are now reimbursable, at least in Himachal. We now have more IAS chappies and judges adorned with the ruddy things than starlets in Bollywood.

   Rule number Two. In 2007, after years of subsisting on bread and water (and the occasional box of sweets at Diwali), I finally built myself a cottage in Mashobra, intending to spend my dotage conversing with nature and picking up a few tips from the birds and the bees. I applied for a gas connection from the HP Civil Supplies Corporation for the new house. It was rejected on the grounds that two connections could not be given in the same name, and since I already had one in my official Shimla house, the rules did not permit one for Mashobra. Since the Managing Director of the Corporation was my neighbour I pestered him till he came up with a solution. He informed me that he had checked his rules again and would be able to sanction a second connection if I gave an affidavit that my wife intended to divorce me and live separately at Mashobra ! (This connection would obviously in my wife's name). I was completely stumped.

   Firstly, we in the government cannot go around swearing affidavits with the same gay abandon that our MPs and MLAs do during election time. Secondly, I had no intention of separating from Neerja, having hung on to her for dear life for thirty years. Thirdly, once she started living separately she might begin to like it. I was told on good authority by officers who had gone to Delhi on central deputation leaving their wives behind, that the latter soon start enjoying their single status, and encourage their husbands to stay on in Delhi till retirement. And why not ? They have all the perks of an IAS spouse, they don't really need to bear with a guy who'd rather go to bed with a pile of files than a wife. Fourthly, Mashobra has a lot of retired defence officers who spend all their time looking for lost golf balls and single women and don't at all mind playing their strokes on the wrong fairway.

   No, sir (I told myself) this was not a good idea at all. I told Neerja. She asked for two days to consider the suggestion! Finally, of course, she also turned it down. She confided in me later that she was tempted by the idea but decided against it, because then who'd take the dog for a walk and make the bed tea in the morning? So finally we didn't use that particular rule after all; instead, I went down to Lower Bazaar and bought a cylinder and regulator on the black market. 

   I am convinced that most IAS officers have very high levels of schadenfreude, not just testosterone, and love nothing better than to see the proletariat squirm; nothing else can explain this next rule. One of the consequences of having a large bureaucracy and an improving life expectancy rate is that you also have a large multitude of pensioners who refuse to kick the bucket. (Come to think of it, why should they, when their pensions are more than their salaries were ; moreover, for government pensioners (as opposed to the blokes from the private sector), the lack of any work after retirement is not  traumatic at all since they never did any work while in service in the first place.

   Pension rules stipulate that by November every year a pensioner is supposed to submit a "life certificate" attesting to the fact that he is still alive. (Being brain dead is no disqualification, on the assumption that most of them were in this condition in any case while in service). This life certificate can be attested by any bank manager or gazetted officer. The system worked very well till a few years ago, when some bright Finance Secretary in Shimla decided that the attestation would have to be done by a Patwari (Village Revenue Officer) instead. Bank managers, it was decreed, could not be trusted with a life certificate though they could with all our life savings.

   Now, a Patwari in the mountainous regions of Himachal is a mythical figure. Though there are reported to be about 700 of them they are more difficult to spot than a snow leopard, of which there are barely a dozen; it's easier to track down a Yeti than a Patwari, so good is their camouflage. But rules are rules, and so the mountain slopes are now crawling with pensioners looking for their Patwaris, usually in vain. Some have taken to camping in caves hoping to waylay him on a good day, others organise  "havans" hoping to be blessed with his appearance, still others seek out astrologers to predict his movements. The more IT enabled pensioners have started using drones to spot him (I learn that they have been able to spot some new Chinese villages coming up on the border, but the Patwari remains as elusive as Bigfoot).

   But the astute Finance Secretary, I'm told, is a happy man: the mortality among pensioners has gone up sharply, what with all the exertion now required of them, the outgo on pensions has fallen drastically to satisfying levels, and the budget deficit has finally come under control. The Finance Secretary was even considered for the award of a Padma Shri, but it was finally given to Kangana Ranaut. She did, after all, discover the actual date of India's independence.

A LETTER THAT DIMINISHES THE INDIAN FOREIGN SERVICE

    If you're wondering how deep the rot has set into our society, and how autonomous the radicalisation of even the educated sections has become, you have to look no further than the open letter written by 32 assorted retired IFS officers on the 5th of this month in response to an appeal by more than 100 veterans ( including five retired service Chiefs) to the President and Prime Minister. This latter missive was an appeal for action to stop the kind of  genocidal speeches made at the Haridwar Dharm Sansad on the 19th of December, 2021. Incidentally, similar appeals have been made by other eminent citizens, including the alumni and students of at least two IITs, a group of Supreme Court lawyers to the Chief Justice, and at least two retired judges of the Supreme Court itself.

   Let's call the former lot of IFS blokes the G-32, since they have made their political affiliations quite clear now and it's not too difficult to surmise who could have prompted them to take umbrage at this appeal and to perform this most undiplomatic genuflection to the  great anarch. What did surprise me, however, is the petty cliches and vitriol in their language, the calumny and contempt, for if there's one art diplomats are known for it is the turn of phrase, the ability to pick the  mot juste. But when veterans and retired chiefs are branded as " a group of activists" and as " known leftists with sympathies for Maoists", and when their action is ascribed to " frustration at not having...recognition and award after superannuation" and is described as an " investment in a potential political change at the centre", you know the IFS has lost its marbles and is in dire need of a serious revamp and what the Chinese would euphemistically term "re-education." But not this lot, because they already appear to have been re-educated by the BJP's IT Cell and Arnab Goswami. For it takes an extraordinary degree of cognitive dissonance to accuse people of the caliber of Lt. Gen. Vijay Oberoi, Admiral Vishnu Bhagwat, Admiral Arun Prakash and Major General S.G.Vombatkere of lack of morality and dubious motives.

   I am at a total loss to comprehend what part of the veterans' letter could have offended the G-32 to make them discard their gin and tonic and canasta and take up cudgels against reason and sanity. For this letter nowhere blames the govt. for the Haridwar incitements, it instead expresses dismay at the govt's inaction and " urges leaders of ALL ( emphasis mine) political parties to condemn these calls for what is tantamount to genocide of Muslims." Something, by the way, which even the Supreme Court appears to have agreed with because it has taken notice of a petition by Anjana Prakash, Senior Advocate and retired judge of the Patna High Court, and issued notice to the Center and the Uttarakhand govt. The G-32 also appears to have ignored the fact that the veterans have addressed their letter to not only the govt. but also to the CJI, the service chiefs and leaders of all major political parties. It is not intended " to bring odium to the Modi govt." as our former Ambassadors seem to presume but is a call for it ( and all other stake holders of our democracy ) to act before it is too late.

  Even allowing for the fact that, having spent most of their active lives abroad in the insular comfort of their embassies, most IFS officers become disconnected with ground realities here, it still amazes me that they are oblivious of the groundswell of hatred, intolerance and majoritarian violence that is being assiduously created here since 2014. How can they think that Haridwar was just " a ranting by fringe elements" when exactly the same abuse and threats have been publicly stated by the BJP's leaders, Chief Ministers. Union Ministers, and MPs of the Tejashwi Surya variety ? Given the positions they have occupied in the foreign service, surely they are aware that a call for killing of members of a particular faith amounts to genocide under international law ? That Haridwar was not an isolated incident but part of a pattern, preceded by Muzzafarnagar, NE Delhi riots, lynchings, violence on anti-CAA protestors, beating up of students in JNU, Jamia and Aligarh Muslim University, vandalisation of mosques and churches in Karnataka, MP, Assam and UP, vigilante obstruction of Namaz even at approved spaces in Gurgaon; it is an endless list of hate gone autonomous. And in none of them has the govt. taken any serious action to prosecute the bigots, unless nudged by the courts. But I'm being too generous, perhaps, to these saffronised diplomats, for they give the game away when they say that all that the so called sants were doing at Haridwar was " asserting their Hindu identity." Which is an apt description of Nazism, in case this minor similarity has escaped their rarefied attention. 

   In their haste to be noticed by the Supreme Leader, the G-32 completely misses the main thrust of the veterans' communication- not the hate speeches themselves but the govt's studied indifference to it and its refusal to take action against these blood thirsty sants. ( Some arrests have been made but only after public and international outrage and after the matter was brought to the Supreme Court's notice; this does no credit to the govt.) It is this implicit endorsement and encouragement of such xenophobia which has alarmed all true Indians, because it is part of a continuing pattern, a dog whistle for the establishment of a Hindu rashtra. Surely the G-32, with their high UPSC rankings, could not have missed this pattern ? Or India's continuous decline in the global rankings for human rights, press freedom, religious freedom ? They are, after all, trained to feel the pulse of international public opinion and perception, unless they have ossified much more rapidly than is usual for retired civil servants !

  They could not be unaware of similar concern expressed by the UN Rapporteur for Minority Rights, or the warning by Gregory Stanton, President of Genocide Watch, which works closely with the UN. Stanton, in a hearing at the US Congress, has warned that India may be on the brink of a genocide. This has been endorsed by the organisation Justice for All. The U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom has also stated that India under Mr. Modi is " aggressively advocating for a purely Hindu state," and has, for the second year in a row, recommended to President Biden that India should be put on the list of CPCs ( Countries Of Particular Concern ), just above the Special Watch list. I do not agree that we have reached the genocidal stage, but it is a fact that an ecology of hate is being created in a planned manner and it is past the time when the govt. should be taking stringent action against these purveyors of bigotry and religious fanaticism.

  The alarm and concerns expressed by the veterans, the Constitutional Conduct Group, Supreme Court lawyers, IIT staff and students, and what remains of a free press, are valid. Nor are they "selective" as these misled diplomats seem to think: one cannot draw a balance between right and wrong, or between good and evil. The wrong and the evil have to be called out in no uncertain terms. Retired civil servants are free to take sides, but they should be careful to be on the side of history. Unfortunately, these 32 diplomats have allowed their political bias to overcome their sense of reason. Their letter, conceived in asininity, motivated by servility and penned in unholy haste, should never have been written. It does great dis-service to a fine institution like the IFS, 

THE PALL BEARERS OF PLANET EARTH

   I am gradually getting convinced of two things: one, all this ozone rattling by various COPs is getting us nowhere; and two, that economists do not live on the same planet that you and I do. This was brought home to me conclusively last Sunday night when I was listening to Ruchir Sharma being interviewed by Prannoy Roy. Mr. Sharma, giving us the ten top trends for 2022, expressed alarm at India's dropping birth rate ( we are now below replacement level for the first time ) and said that this was bad news, it would result in a drop in GDP and make it impossible for India to join the ranks of the developed countries. He further enlarged this Cassandra type prediction by warning the hugely impressed Prannoy Roy that no country with a declining fertility rate had ever done well economically. My jaw dropped to the floor and was retrieved only just in time for dinner. An explanation is in order.

  Forget for a moment that, at eight billion souls, the planet is already overpopulated twice over and that experts have estimated that global population is likely to stabilise at about 11 billion by 2100. Forget that 77 million were added to the world population last year. Forget that if, every country enjoyed the living standards of the USA we would need five more Earth size planets to supply their wants. Forget also that the best quality of life is enjoyed by countries with low population growth- Japan, South Korea, the Scandinavian countries, New Zealand, even China nowadays. Let us look at our own country.

  India's population is about 1.4 billion, give or take a few million small change. 400 million of them are below the poverty line which, at US$ 2 per day itself suffers from a poverty of imagination. The unemployment rate is 8% and the LPR ( Labour Participation Rate) at 40% shows that people have even  given up looking for non existent jobs. Recently in U.P thousands of PHDs and law graduates applied for the jobs of drivers- and didn't get them. And these are figures for the formal sector: the state of the informal sector- Mr. Amit Shah's " pakoda wallahs"- is far worse. The much touted " demographic dividend" is now a demographic NPA and is sitting on its collective backside waiting for the economists to be proved right.

  We simply can't cope with these numbers of people; we can't ensure them health, education, jobs, social security, a stable social environment, safety- all, incidentally, fundamental rights under the Constitution. Farmers migrate to the cities in their millions every year, land holdings keep getting fragmented, millions continue to be displaced by projects which benefit only the better off sections of urban India, tribals are FIRed out of their mineral rich forests. And it's not a question of which is the right political or economic model; we have tried them all and failed. And Mr. Sharma still thinks that we should be adding more to this mass of deprivation ?

  In purely environmental terms also, the worst economic template has been the one espoused by the Ruchir Sharma types- the neo-liberal capitalist model ( more easily recognizable as the IMF/ World Bank/ Adani/ Ambani model ). This worships only two Gods: consumption and GDP, all else be damned. And the tragedy is that all our COPs, whether in Paris or Glasgow, bow to the same Gods which is why the hymns they sing to Climate Change are actually dirges for Mother Earth. Consumption and GDP are actually the pall bearers of our planet. They are driving us to more and more relentless exploitation of the planet's natural resources. A finite resource base cannot support an infinite demand for goods, whether it be water, minerals, land, forest produce, crops, meat, even land. The various COPs have not even looked at this dimension of the impending catastrophe.

  Global GDP is US$ 100 trillion and it is achieved by the relentless exploitation of our natural assets, unmindful of the fact that these resources are not limitless. To better appreciate, in tangible terms, this depredation, consider some figures:

There are 200 million passenger cars on the planet, expected to grow to 2 billion by 2035. Cars already account for 30% of all CO2 emissions.

4.1 billion people fly every year, most of them for pleasure. The figure will reach 7. 8 billion by 2038. Aviation already spews 1.250 billion tonnes  of green house gases every year.

We slaughter 1 billion animals for meat in a year, consume 400 million tonnes of meat ( the figure was 55 million tonnes in 1961). The livestock raised for the purpose accounts for 14.50% of all GHG emissions and takes up 80% of all agricultural land; land which could be better utilised for raising crops for the hundreds of millions of people perennially on the brink of starvation.

226 million containers are shipped every year carrying 2 billion tonnes of goods, because we are not satisfied with what is available locally. And all this is on fossil fuels.

27000 trees are felled EVERY DAY to produce toilet paper. Recycled paper is a no-no because it is not soft enough for our pampered posteriors. 

In order to meet the ever increasing demands for goods and services 10 million hectares or 100,000 square miles of forests are felled every year; in the last thirty years we have already lost 80 million hectares of primary forests.

WWF estimates that at least 10000 species are becoming extinct every year, which is 1000 times the natural extinction rate. And all this is owing to human activity.

Just the internet consumes 200 Terra Watt hours of power, more than the total energy requirement of Iran.

   One can go on and on, citing more figures, but the picture is dark enough even without them. The planet is quickly reaching, may have already reached, a point of no return, and not only in terms of climate change but in its ability to renew and heal itself. And yet our economists keep driving us on to consume more and more of everything, and every country is trying to reach higher and higher rates of GDP growth. For purposes of retaining our sanity it may be instructive to remember what Prof. Robert Gordon of North West University, Chicago, warned: global GDP has been growing at an average of 2% per annum since 1900 and can grow no further without irretrievably damaging the planet.

  That may have already happened, but can we at least stop listening to these economists now ? We have to manage Demand and not just focus on Supply, tax expenditure and not just income, impose punitive royalties on ALL natural resources, incentivise alternatives ( such as " plant based meat " ). GDP has to be replaced by a new concept, perhaps an SDP or Sustainable Domestic Product in which the environmental cost should be zero. Net Zero targets should not be limited only to GHG emissions but should also apply to the natural environment and ecology. Every " development" project should be evaluated on the basis of its TOTAL impact on the environment ( not just the joke that EIAs currently are) and if it does not meet the Net Zero criteria it has no business being approved. And we- the children of Mother Earth- must restrain our appetites for the "good" things of life , adopt minimalist or " non-sumption" ways of living. Only a more simple life style can save this planet. At the current rate of consumption we shall leave behind only a scorched and depleted planet for the next generation. The Elon Musks and Richard Bransons can probably relocate themselves on Mars but what about the rest of us ?

   Remember the wise words of the Red Indian Chief Seattle, when he was forced to hand over his precious lands to the white man in 1854:

" This we know. The earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. This we know. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself....Continue to contaminate your bed, and you will one day suffocate in your own waste."

There is no Plan(et) B, folks.

   

 

  

THE SCENT OF A POLITICIAN

   Something curious seems to be happening in my home state, Ulta Pradesh or Attar Pradesh, depending on whether you are standing on your head or breathing deeply in Kannauj. The curious part does not refer to the Yogic Yogi doing the 100 meter sprint behind the Prime Minister's bullet proof car on some expressway or to Mr. Amit Shah looking for criminals through binoculars even as they are all bunched behind him on the stage. No, sir, I refer to roses, or, to be more precise, the famous " attar " or perfume of Kannauj.

  Most people who have still retained their sense of smell post Covid would agree that Uber Pradesh's politicians count among the most malodourous of the species. But these days they all appear to be smelling of roses- the "attar" of Kannauj has pervaded the politics of the state like never before. The BJP , of course, is hopeful that it will wash away the stench of all those corpses floating in the Ganges, while the Samajwadi party is confident that it will attract voters to its symbol like bees to nectar. In hindsight I do feel sorry for the distraught Lady Macbeth- if only she had pinned her hopes on the attar of Kannauj instead of " the perfumes of Arabia" she could have gone to her maker with, literally, clean hands. Like the BJP is hoping to do once Ms Sitharaman manages to explain how " the wall of money" was built in a state run by her party, and also answers the question: wasn't demonetisation supposed to take care of this?

  But wait, do not get distracted by this Netflix version of The War of the Roses. Because I can detect another smell wafting through the state. I can smell a rat, or a whole nest of rats standing up on their hindlegs and begging many questions:

In these days of 360* surveillance and 24x7 snooping, how was it possible for a trader to salt away more than Rs. 250 crore in cash and gold from evaded GST ( that is, assuming that it was from his business  and not hidden political bullion ?)

Why was the BJP so quick to link this seizure with the Samajwadi party? Was this the standard choreographed pre-election stunt- the modis operandi, to modify the usual term- which went wrong, as happens frequently when you try to be too clever by half  and depend on a hollowed out bureaucracy ?

How is it that 25% of Kanauj's total annual turnover of Rs. 1220 crores was recovered from just one non-descript businessman ? In other words, was this stash " business turnover" or electoral bonds second edition, just in case the Supreme Court wakes up from its stupor and decides to look into the matter ?

Why did the DGGST change his tune suddenly and claim that the money was from legitimate turnover of the company on which it would now have to pay tax, interest and penalty ? Pretty murky, if you ask me, even by the standards of rodents and our police.

  To find an answer to that last question we have to go back in history ( something the BJP is adept at) to Oscar Wilde's comedy The Importance Of Being Earnest. It's current Indian version is titled The Importance Of Being Jain and is as replete with lies, deception and misadventures as the original one. The catch, you see, is to find out who the real Jain is- Piush or Pushpraj ? Which is the BJP one and which the Samajwadi one ? The GST sleuths, it appears, did neither their homework nor their legwork, raided the wrong Jain and now have rat droppings all over their faceless faces. In order to save their feces they are now raiding all Jains, with a few Maliks and Chaudhrys thrown in to show they have an open mind on the subject. The comedy now playing out in Kannauj promises to be more entertaining than Oscar Wilde's, to the tune of Three Blind Mice playing in the background.

  So forget about the trademark essences and aromas of Kannauj, folks, the " mitti ka attar " or  "shamama" or " bela ka attar". The flavour of the season is " nirvachan attar " or election perfume, distilled in Nagpur and Etawah , mixed with alcohol, spiced with promises, and guaranteed to vaporise once the polling is over. In this witch's brew the rose petals are replaced with five hundred rupee notes, the sandalwood oil with sleaze and the faggots which fire the oven with bigots. The stench of  politicians, the keepers of law and odour.