LAST BUS TO MANDI

 

LAST BUS TO MANDI.

   Most people would would be surprised to learn that Himachal's most iconic symbols are neither Preity Zingta nor Kangana Ranaut, it is the HRTC (Himachal Road Transport Corporation) bus- green and white in colour when the money for a paint job is available, a muddy ochre  when it is not; battered and dented, baskets of fruits , vegetables and a few drunken Rohru types perched on the roof; a goat or two ruminating on the back seats. Nothing represents Himachal better than a fully loaded HRTC bus, clawing its suicidal way up mountain roads that have no reason to be there, one rear wheel on the road, the other off it, mocking the sheer abyss below it. This humble bus has kept the state connected since long before the roads were taken over by the private cars, SUVs and taxis; it has been the lifeline for Himachal's commerce, tourism, agriculture, and has given the state a sense of collective identity.

   Its drivers are iconic figures themselves, role models for every village youth and even Mr. Modi's chaiwallahs, pakoda wallahs, chowkidars and "panna pramukhs" have not been able to displace them. They are the counterparts of the gunslingers of the American wild west- a rough breed with their own distinct language and culture, risking their lives daily on roads that defy the accepted laws of gravity, physics and engineering. Every second rural teen aspires to become an HRTC driver. On rural routes, where the buses have to park at night at the terminal point of their route, villagers vie with each other to offer board and lodging (free of course) to the driver, for he is their vital life line to the modern world and markets outside.  Relatively well travelled and widely respected, he is also a potent opinion maker, especially when it comes to elections!

   My first experience with the HRTC occured in 1977 when I had to take my brand new bride to Mandi where I was undergoing my IAS training. In those pre-Gadkari days there were only two services to Mandi, one during the day and one overnight. On a cold February night, therefore, Neerja and I boarded the night bus to Mandi at Kashmiri Gate (an ordinary one, there were no AC or deluxe buses then). As an IAS probationer I was allotted the favoured seats just behind the driver. The bus was overcrowded and smelt of Himachal- garlic, angoori, sheep (everybody was wearing the "pattu" coats) and the vapours released by sturdy tribals who had dined well, if not wisely. Fresh out of Lady Shri Ram, Neerja was adorned in tight jeans, jacket and boots; the driver took an instant liking to her and invited her to sit next to him on the hot engine cover. She declined, not wishing to become the toast of the evening. The journey took all of ten bone-breaking hours, we lost most of our luggage (kept on the roof) on the steep climb from Kiratpur to Swarghat. and the bus broke down twice, coincidentally at "desi sharab ka thekas" where the driver would disappear for half an hour and reappear saying he had fixed the fuel pipe! I am happy to report that our marriage survived this first test, and every trial and travail since then has been a cakewalk in comparison.

   In subsequent years one got to travel quite a lot in HRTC buses, because back then it was the fortunate SDM (Sub-divisional Magistrate) who got a Jeep to himself. I as SDM Chamba had to share one with the SDM Dalhousie, my good friend C. Balakrishnan, who in later years managed the impossible feat of retiring as Secretary Coal in the central government without getting charge-sheeted or imprisoned. I toured extensively by bus in Churah, Tissa, Salooni and Bharmour, some of the most undeveloped areas of the state, and developed a healthy respect for HRTC and its staff.

   In the late eighties I was appointed as Managing Director of this creaking behemoth, with 1200 buses and 7000 staff. And here I learnt of some endearing tricks they kept up their sleeve. Leaking of revenues (pocketing the fare instead of issuing tickets) is an existential problem for all state transport undertakings. We used to set up "nakas" everywhere at all hours of the day and night to nab the rascals but rarely succeeded in netting anyone after the first catch. I soon discovered that these chaps had perfected a wireless form of communicating with other buses to warn them of the checkpoints. Remember, this was decades before the advent of the cell phone. They had a system of coded signals which was flashed to all other buses "en passant", as it were, warning them of the impending check post. We rarely caught any fish after the first one.

   There were no private buses in those pre- liberalisation days and HRTC functioned as a monopoly. This gave their unions enormous power, and they flexed their muscles every six months by going on a strike just for the heck of it. We just had to grin and bear it, for confronting them was out of the question. The officers were accustomed to the tried and tested SOP- we were all locked up in our rooms in the head office, sans food or water, gheraoed in proper Labour Day style till we signed on the dotted line. I decided to develop an SOP of my own the day before the next strike. I rang up an old friend, AK Puri who was the DIG (Police) Shimla,  reminded him of our good old days in Bilaspur (AK was the Superintendent of Police there when I was the Deputy Commissioner), and expressed the hope that he would like to see me in one piece after the next day's strike. AK responded like a champion : the next day the HRTC office was flooded with more policemen than are currently on spiritual duty in the Kumbh mela. The gherao was rendered "non est", the unions decided they didn't have a grievance after all, and I had no more strikes for the duration of my tenure- cut short, sadly, by a Minister who was miffed by the fact that I didn't see (say?) "Aye to Aye" with him!

   There were no hard feelings, however. Almost twenty years later a tree fell on me while I was taking my dog for a walk in a snowstorm. I busted three spinal vertebras, two ribs and punctured a lung and spleen for good measure. I was laid up in hospital for three months and the doctors told me I would probably never walk again without crutches. While I was absorbing all this a group of HRTC drivers came to see me. They told me of a "vaid" in Mandi who fixed broken bones (even vertebras) with a concoction made out of herbs and roots which had to be taken four times a day with ghee and honey. They assured me that it would have me on my feet again in two months. On my expressing some well founded scepticism they told me something which made a lot of sense.

" Look, sir, we are breaking our bones all the time in some bus accident or the other. We don't go to any hospital, we go to this vaid, and he has cured each and every one of us. We all speak from personal experience. Please give him a try- you are already flat on your back, you can't get any lower than that, can you?"

Since this rhetorical question was one which even Mr. Subramaniam Swamy would have found difficult to answer, I agreed. Every week one of these good samaritans would bring me a fresh batch of the unctuous, foul smelling concoction, with some of the precious "shilajit" as an added kick. I banished the doctors and surgeons to their autopsy rooms and within three months I was playing golf again, even though my swing is not what it used to be- earlier I used to move the ball, now I move more of terra firma. A couple of years later I retired from service with most of my spine intact, no mean achievement for a bureaucrat, if I say so myself ! All because of a bunch of ne'er do wells who remembered an MD who had out-smarted them at their own game twenty years ago.

   It's been a long association with HRTC and I've gained far more from it than I have given. And it all started with a night bus for Mandi forty eight years ago.  

BOOK REVIEW: EMERGENCY AND NEO - EMERGENCY by MG DEVASAHAYAM

                                       

                                     

                                                     THE STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER

 Milan Kundera, the Czech-French novelist once said: "The struggle of Man against Power is the struggle of memory against forgetting." Devashayam's book is a brave attempt to ensure that this lesson is not forgotten in these days of tampering with history by all political parties and an effete media. Indira Gandhi declared the internal Emergency in June 1975, and two generations have since been born and grown to maturity in India; they have the right to know what transpired in that year and the days leading up to it, without misinterpretations, redactions or deletions. But that is only half the book, the other half is a documentation of the undeclared Neo- Emergency since 2014, leaving the reader to wonder (as intended by the author, no doubt): is there any difference between the two? In between are chapters on what is a central pillar of the book, the venerable Jaiprakash Narayan (JP), the "moral heir of Mahatma Gandhi" and arguably the final trigger for the imposition of Emergency by a rattled Mrs. Gandhi.

Devasahayam, as the legal custodian of JP by virtue of being the District Magistrate of Chandigarh where the latter was imprisoned in a hospital, had a ringside view of events in those troubled  days. Not only did he spend countless hours with JP as "the son he never had" and gained his total trust and confidence, he was also in constant touch with key players in Delhi and privy to the goings-on. What comes out very strongly in this narration is his total empathy for the septuagenarian freedom fighter; while he had grave misgivings about the course of events Mrs. Gandhi had launched the nation on, yet he performed his duty to his government faithfully- a blend of fealty to the Constitution, conscience and humanism that is so rare these days (and was perhaps so even then, considering how all officialdom caved in so meekly then).

Recounting the career of JP in great detail, Devashayam's admiration and respect for him, his moral fervour and integrity, comes through clearly, but he holds JP responsible for legitimising the RSS by inducting it into his movement of "Total Revolution", and for forcing Mrs. Gandhi's hand by his intransigence and refusal to compromise: in the author's words: "Both JP and Indira Gandhi failed democracy and betrayed their lack of faith in the rule of law." His concern for JP's deteriorating health in captivity made him an indefatigable interlocutor between JP and the powers in Delhi, an effort which finally succeeded on the 15th November, 1975, with his release by a panicked Delhi.

The book provides a lot of insights into the events leading up to the proclamation of Emergency on the night of 25th June 1975, something which caught by surprise the entire Cabinet, the Defence forces and the state administrations; the midnight arrests, the blanking out of the media. But he also addresses some of the questions that have bedeviled us for 50 years: would Mrs. Gandhi have resigned after the Allahabad High Court set aside her election on 12th June 2025 if Sanjay Gandhi had not intervened? Did the Opposition and JP force her hand by their rallies and demand for her resignation even though the Supreme Court had allowed her to continue as PM (though without voting powers in Parliament)? Was the Allahabad High Court judgment the only trigger for the Emergency or did the Nav Nirman Andolan in Gujarat, the Railway strike led by George Fernandes, the Samoorna Kranti Andolan of JP also contribute to it? Was there any evidence to support the ostensible reason for invoking Article 352, viz. that law and order had broken down throughout the country?  Were the arrests of more than 100,000 people her work or that of the coterie led by her son? Was this same coterie responsible for causing JP's health problems and for blocking any reconciliation between him and the Prime Minister? Why were no serious efforts made by the Janata government to determine how JP's kidneys were allowed to fail during his imprisonment at PGI Chandigarh, condemning him to a certain death? Why is the original letter from Mrs Gandhi to the President recommending the imposition of Emergency not available in the official records? Devasahayam provides all the known (and some unknown) facts and leaves the reader to decide for himself.

Mrs. Gandhi, probably inspired by faulty intelligence reports, called for fresh elections which were held in March 1977, and was roundly defeated by the newly formed Janata Dal, helmed by the still fighting-fit septuagenarian leader. It didn't last, of course, torn apart by its own internal and ideological contradictions and machinations by the Jana Sangh. But it set the stage for the rise of the BJP. For all his veneration and deep, even personal, regard for JP, however, Devasahayam states that JP's biggest "blunder" was coopting the Jana Sangh and the RSS into his movement, giving them the launching pad for grabbing power. He concedes that JP had sound reasons for entering into this "Devil's bargain" with the Jana Sangh- the need for their organised cadres, the fact that the Communists, Socialists and people like Vinobha Bhave sided with Mrs. Gandhi, the South's indifference to the excesses of the Emergency since it was hardly evident there. In addition, top leaders of the Jana Sangh and RSS- Advani, Balasaheb Deoras, Vajpayee- had all given him assurances that they would give up communal politics, that the Jana Sangh would merge with the Janata Party and give up its links with the RSS. They reneged on all of them, and as a consequence have now captured absolute power in the country. The leader of India's "second freedom struggle" died of a "broken heart" on 8th October, 1979.

The latter half of the book covers more familiar territory for most of us- the post 2014 period, what Devashayam terms the Neo -Emergency. He feels- and many would agree with him- that Modi's undeclared emergency is much more dangerous for the nation than the 18 month Emergency of Mrs Gandhi; in his words: " the present Neo-Emergency processes are far more insidious and systemic and are likely to undermine our collective being as a society for a long time to come." With brutal honesty and objective arguments, he goes on to validate his assertion by listing out the BJP's "achievements" during this period, dissects their exaggerated claims with a scalpel and pulverises them with a sledge hammer: - Demonetisation ("a state sponsored money laundering operation of gigantic proportions"); the Covid lockdown which knocked 4% off the country's GDP, collapsed 650000 SMEs and rendered 45 million migrant labour jobless; the CAA (Citizenship Amendment Act) along with NPR (National Population Register) and NRC (National Register of Citizens)-all part of the process of making India a Hindu Rashtra; the new Criminal Laws (designed "to reduce the people of India from 'citizens' to 'subjects'). Each and every assertion is backed up by data, analysis, reports and the government's statements, and is difficult to repudiate.

Chapter 18  ("Emasculating Institutions of Democratic Governance") is a must-read, it is written with a lot of passion and based on meticulous research. Devasahayam spares no office in demonstrating how all constitutional institutions intended to protect democracy have been defenestrated and weaponised since 2014, how they are now like an auto-immune disease, consuming the very body they were supposed to defend. He spares no office- Parliament, the President, the Civil services, Union Public Service Commission, CAG, NHRC, Minorities Commission, Central Information Commission, SEBI, the PMO. He details the hounding of NGOs, the terrorising of civil society by reproducing parts of actual case studies of three prominent NGOs. True to his efforts to clean the Augean stables of electoral processes, the author devotes a whole chapter to the Election Commission of India, terming it "partisan and prejudiced" and asserting that it has "abdicated its constitutional role" and "has lost control of the elections. "This Neo-Emergency, according to the author, is replacing our democracy with "a system of top-down kleptocracy/kakistocracy". Mrs. Gandhi's Emergency was not even a trailer compared to what is happening now.

To conclude, this is a book which had to be written, but there are not many left in this country who have the scholarship, conviction and courage to write one. The book is a cry of pain by someone who has spent all his adult life in the service of the nation, first in the army, then in the civil services and now as an active member of civil society. It is a plea to remember the past, worry about the present, and act boldly for the future. History rarely offers a second chance.

IF NOT MY WIFE, WHOSE WIFE SHOULD I STARE AT, SIR ?

                                  

So another Sisyphus has surfaced on our corporate horizon, putting his shoulder to the boulder of "nation building". The Chairman of L+T (Larsen and Toubro), a one lakh crore multi-national behemoth, not satiated with the Rs. 51 crore he brings home every year (which is 540 times what his average employee subsists on), wants his serfs to work harder so that he can amass even more and quickly move on to some other country before that same boulder crushes him. Mr. Narayan Murthy of Infosys fame wanted a 70 hour week, Mr. Subhramanyan has upped it to 90 hours, all striving for that 18 hours-per-day jackpot which the Prime Minister himself has set as a bar. All this would be absurdly funny if it did not indicate a deep sickness in our society, specifically the captains of our industry and polity (with a few laudable exceptions).

Sometime back I had termed these individuals as representatives of the new East India Company that now rules this sorry nation, exploitative slave- drivers and profit seekers to the core (India's New Colonisers and the new East India Company, June 3, 2023), and I am saddened to see myself being vindicated every day by both industry and the government. For what is going on under the garb of "nation building" is nothing but personal fortune building in one case, and power consolidation in the other. The new corporate template is "Make in India, Park it abroad." This consists of various strands. The first is to extract more of the honest tax payers' moneys by way of subsidies, incentives (PLI) and tax waivers (Corporate Income Tax now contributes less to direct taxes than Personal Income Tax-a first in our history). The second is to bleed the average employee and amass fortunes for the promoters and top honchos. (Corporate profits have increased by 300% in the last ten years while worker salaries, in real terms, have gone down by 1% each year between 2012 and 2022, according to a report by the International Labour Organisation and the Institute for Human Development). And this even though Indian worker salaries are the twelfth lowest in the world (and would be even lower if the inflation-indexed government employees' salaries are taken out of the equation)! The third strand is to pocket these profits and decamp to fairer climes abroad: according to the Henley Wealth Migration report 2024, 5100 dollar millionaires left India in 2023 and the expected number for 2024 is 4300. A pretty good recipe, if you ask me, for ignoring your own wife and staring at other people's wives in Davos or Biarritz or the UAE.                                                                                                                                                                        There is no empathy for the worker (whether in the organised, informal, gig, or self employed sectors), the farmer, the students, the MNREGA labour, the unemployed, or the hundreds of millions living below the poverty line (whose numbers have grown since 2014, according to independent economists). They are mere fodder to serve corporate interests or dutifully cast their votes in elections which are rigged. We continue to be one of the worst performing countries in the world in the Inequality Index (rank 127 out of 193 countries, below even Bangladesh and Nepal), and the Inequality Lab has stated that inequality in India today is worse than it was during British rule. So when people like our Finance or Commerce Ministers, or Mr. Adani, or Mr. Gadkari or Mr. Subhramanyan are held up as exemplars and role models by the INDIA TODAY type of Conclaves, and when they spout their version of what is good for this country's citizens,it is time to be worried at the sickness which is coursing rapidly through the veins of our nation. One is reminded of the words of Hannah Arendt, the German-American philosopher :

The death of human empathy is one of the earliest and most telling signs of a culture about to fall into barbarism.

These robber barons of the 21st century are merely following in the footsteps of the Indigo planters and the cotton and tobacco planters of 18th century America. They have taken their cue from a government which is equally unscrupulous and venal when it comes to dealing with labour, employees and the middle classes: MNREGA budgets are slashed, lakhs are deprived of their rations because of Aadhar glitches and mis-matches, bank accounts are frozen due to the pestilence of frequent KYCs, provisions of the Shops Act and Factories Act regulating work hours and overtime are never enforced, "outsourcing" is cheaper than hiring regular employees, there is no law yet to protect the expanding legions of gig workers. This only encourages gentlemen of the Subrahmanyan, Bhavish Agarwal (OLA), Aadit Palicha (Zepto) variety to introduce a new economic feudal culture in our work places.

I do hope that the likes of Mr. Subhramanyan are among the 4300 millionaires planning to quit India in 2024, for we can do without their culture of insensitivity, exploitation and crass profiteering in a society that is already becoming vicious and brutal under the nudging of government policies. He may have redeemed himself somewhat by implicitly exhorting his workers to stare at other people's wives instead of their own, but that is cold comfort when you suddenly realise that someone else is staring at YOUR wife. Perhaps the best denouement to his thesis, as some wag on social media suggested, is to merge Infosys and Larsen and Toubro, and to encourage their employees to marry each other: they could then live in the office itself, and occasionally bump into each other during the prescribed toilet breaks. Leaving us retired blokes to peer at the neighbour's wife through our bifocals. As for me, I've been staring at Neerja for 47 years but she doesn't bat an eyelid. My sons say that I am old fashioned: instead of staring, I should Blinkit: satisfaction guaranteed in ten minutes! 

 

HIMACHAL HAS NO OPTION BUT TO BITE THE FINANCIAL BULLET

 Himachal is gradually slipping into a financial sink-hole, with a debt of Rs.85000 crore and almost 60% of its annual budget going to pay just employees' salaries/pensions and debt servicing. The Union government, for vindictive political reasons, is further nudging it into the hole by denying it almost Rs.9000 crores of PDNA (Post Disaster National Assistance) funds, mounting legal challenges to a newly imposed Water Cess (expected to mobilise Rs. 2500 crores per annum) and doing nothing to ensure that the Shanan Hydel Project is reverted to the state on the expiry of the lease agreement with Punjab (Rs. 700 crores per annum).

In this backdrop, it is commendable that the embattled Chief Minister, Mr. Sukhu, is trying to reverse the years of profligacy and populism by abolishing subsidies on water and electricity to all consumers except BPL families, removing the myriad concessions availed by various categories of travellers on HRTC, shutting down redundant institutions (like schools with very low enrolment), raising user fees and imposing cesses. The new measures to tax the proliferating Home-stays and B+Bs is also welcome, for these units are now thriving and do not need any more incentives or concessions. He has to bite the bullet, even though it will almost certainly lose him the next elections. But now that he has mustered up the courage to depart from a tradition which has bankrupted the state, he must do more.

First and foremost, he must cut down the number of government employees by at least 15-20%. Himachal has the second highest employee-population ratio in the country, with 250000 employees on a population base of 70 lakhs: this is simply unsustainable. The proposed cut would reduce expenditure by about Rs. 5000 crore per annum, with a corresponding reduction in pensions also in the years to come. With the progressive digitisation of all modes of governance, many posts can be easily dispensed with, especially in the clerical and ministerial cadres in offices. He should also stop giving reemployment to retired bureaucrats on Commissions, Authorities, Boards, and appoint serving officers to these posts instead. Do away with the dozen or so Advisors who  cost crores every year in return for very bad advice, as recent PR disasters have shown!

Tourism has become a double edged sword for the state, and the repeated seasonal tsunamis of tourists is ravaging the environment beyond the tipping point. There is an urgent need to restrict their numbers and also to ensure that it provides the revenues to compensate for the environmental costs as also the infrastructure "development" the state is forced to undertake to cater to it- highways, sewage treatment plants, solid waste management, enhancing water supply and power, etc. The Chief Minister should seriously consider imposing a Tourist Tax of 10% on all hotels, guest houses, Home-stays, B+Bs. More and more countries, besieged by a pandemic of "revenge" over-tourism have started doing so- Russia, most of Southern European, Mediterranean countries, Switzerland, the United Kingdom and the Netherlands; South-east Asian nations have also started doing so, with Bali being the trail blazer. Our neighbour Bhutan- the only country in the world to have a Net Zero carbon status- has imposed a $ 100/day tax on all foreigners and a Rs. 1200/day tax on Indians. It is termed the Sustainable Development Fund.

Himachal receives 20 million (2 crore) tourists every year, according to the government's own figures. Assuming that 25% of them would be staying with friends or relatives or would pass under the tax radar, that leaves 15 million. Assuming two tourists to a room, and an average three day stay, that works out to a demand for 22.50 million room nights; let us round that off to 22 million for calculation purposes. Let us again assume that each room costs Rs. 4000/ per day. That would yield a gross revenue of Rs. 8800 crores per annum, and a 10%  tax on that would yield about Rs. 880 crore to the government. (As per my experience and information the revenues may be higher because Rs.4000 for a room is a base price and there are any number of hotels which charge twice or thrice that, especially during peak times when the tourist rush is at its peak).

Tourism is a mature industry in the state and does not need to be molly coddled any more by financial incentives and subsidies. What it needs is better infrastructure, improved connectivity, quality upgradation, planned development and better public facilities for tourists. All this requires heavy expenditure by the government on a continuing basis (the Chief Minister has just announced that almost Rs. 3000 crores would be spent on developing tourist destinations, ropeways, helipads etc.) The tourism sector must contribute towards this in the form of taxes and not expect the government to foot the entire bill. The government's own HP Tourism Development Corporation is in severe financial straits and is unable to pay dues to its retired employees. In fact the High Court recently ordered it to shut down 18 of its loss making hotels!

Such a tax- it could be named the Sustainable Tourism Fund- would undoubtedly be resisted by the hospitality industry, long used to low taxes, incentives, evasions and dictating terms. It may also lead to a temporary decline in the numbers of tourists, which, according to me, would be a blessing for the natural environment of the state. But the positive side (apart from much needed revenues for the state) is that it would force the state and all stake holders to  improve the quality of the product on offer, become more tourist friendly rather than exploitative, and give a chance to the natural environment to recover. The permanent residents of the state, who now live in an almost permanent state of siege the whole year, would benefit immensely from reduced costs of basic necessities, better traffic conditions, reduced pollution and garbage, and preservation of their natural, architectural and historical heritage, all of which are presently under threat. The writing is on the wall in Goa, which has entered a declining phase thanks to its excessive and uncontrolled tourism of the past. Himachal can still avoid this and emulate its Himalayan kin Bhutan in how to promote sustainable tourism, how to preserve its natural capital while still giving handsome dividends to visitors and the local economy. It takes just one Chief Minister with vision to achieve this. We are waiting for one such. 

GST-NOMICS : HOW TO EAT YOUR POPCORN AND TAX IT TOO.

 I have little or no sympathy for those doubting Thomases who continue to question the stupendous growth of our economy-such people should be packed off to one of the coral reefs around the Great Nicobar, which shall soon be ground to dust once the mega-crony project there takes off; it will serve them right. For under the able guidance of she-who-does-not-eat-onions we have moved from being a "pakoda" economy to a "popcorn" economy, whose symbolism is matched by substance. Or at least, that's what the wiseacres of the GST (Grasping Shifting Tax) Council think.

At the Council meeting in the third week of December it was decided to pop the popcorn bubble that has made billionaires out of those multiplex barons, what with the popcorn costing more than the movie ticket! The soundest economic policy of all, according to Confucius, is that if you can't stop Peter from ripping off Paul, then ensure that you get your share of Peter's booty. And so, the GST on popcorn has three separate rates, rising to 18% for the carmelised, sugary variety. According to the halwa-eating lady, this is because when you carmelise the humble popcorn it becomes a sweet and should be taxed as such. Notice the hair splitting distinctions and the fine tuning done by our tax experts, who quite clearly have too much time on their hands. But here's a question for them that begs an answer: if one buys caramalised popcorn while watching a tax-exempted film like Kashmir Files, or Kerala Files or Sabarmati Report, will that popcorn also be exempted from GST? Because, since no one watches a film in a theater these days without munching on popcorns, if the stuff is not made tax free then no one is going to watch these movies, defeating the patriotic purpose behind making them tax free. And then, where is your fake nationalism? Just as there can be no FIR under the PMLA if there is no FIR in the predicate offence, similarly there should be no tax on popcorn if there is no tax on the movie itself. Makes sense, right?

A friend of mine who is still in government informs me, sotto voce, that the next target of the eagle-eyed Council will be the even humbler condom. Currently there is no GST on condoms, but by extending the carmelised popcorn logic, a GST of 18% is likely to be imposed on flavoured condoms as they shall come into the category of either sweets or fruits, depending on the flavour she fancies! Makes sense, if you ask me; with both sweets and fruits having become so expensive -18% and 12% GST, respectively, in case you didn't know- more and more people are getting their kicks out of flavoured condoms instead- strawberry, mango, chocolate, rajbhog- to satisfy their sweet, err, tooth. According to a tweet by the CEO of Swiggy on the 1st January 2025, condoms were among the most ordered items on 31st December-1.12. lakh packets on Swiggy and 4779 on Blinkit; the overwhelming favourite were the chocolate flavoured ones! The Finance Ministry may just be on the right trail to reduce its deficit.                                                                                         But wait, that's not all, dear reader, you haven't even begun to fathom the genius of our tax-man. It is also proposed that for condoms bought/used out of wed-lock the GST rate shall be 28%, for it then becomes a "sin goods". Brilliant, isn't it? One's marital status will be verified at the POS (Point of Sale, NOT Point of Sex) stage, for which the government shall shortly be issuing, and making mandatory, another ID document- the BAM ( Bespoke and Married) card. The card shall have to be renewed every year, given the rising incidence of divorces. Divorcees shall have to pay the 28% rate (if they still want to have sex, that is): another clever move by this Vishwaguru government to discourage divorces.

Clearly, our GST mandarins have gone berserk. As one social media influencer pointed out, the English had imposed a Salt Tax but our native born Tsars have gone one better by imposing a higher Sugar Tax. I'm told there's also a proposal to levy GST on the Sulabh Sauchalay; currently the service charge for taking a leak in one of them is Rs.5, but there might now be a GST of 18% levied for diabetics: they are passing sugar, you see.                                                                                                                                                         Consider next the ubiquitous biryani, a legacy of the much reviled Mughals but consumed by the ton by our sanatan dharm bhakts. Swiggy's annual report for 2024, released last week, informs us that it was the highest selling dish this year on their platform- 83 million dishes, or 3 per second! There is no GST on fresh meat or on rice, but put the two together in a biryani and, hey presto, it now has a GST of 12% ! And that's not all: if you eat it in an AC restaurant you will have to shell out GST of 18%, and if you wolf it down in a 5-star hotel the rate is now 28%. No wonder the astute Indian prefers to order it from Swiggy, where he pays  5% tax, (the rate may go up depending on whether it has an egg on it or not!)

However, give the devil his due (if not his tax)- our tax guys are faithful to that other adage of Confucius: If you have to be stupid, at least be consistent in your stupidity. To the point where our GST is now probably the most complex, illogical, avaricious and arcane tax in the world. As someone said: The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax it. It's not for nothing that the words "taxman" and "taxidermist" have their first three letters in common- the only difference is that whereas the latter takes only your skin, the former takes it all. As far back as in 1947 Churchill, while giving his famous doomsday prediction for India, had said that "a day will come when even air and water would be taxed in India". Ms. Sitharaman has the dubious distinction of making that prediction come true. Churchill did not mention shit, but don't cavil, folks, for even that is now being taxed in Himachal.